@textposttropes / textposttropes.tumblr.com

PLEASE STOP mass liking and reblogging my posts it makes my notifications unreadable. anyway Welcome to Text Post Tropes! Here, you'll find a collection of random Tumblr posts and the tropes that would be listed under their nonexistent TVTropes page. Why does this exist? No good reason. If you feel the need to make suggestions to one of our posts, or submit a post for consideration, feel free to do so! This is not a wiki, but we can pretend it is with enough lack of common sense. Not affiliated with TvTropes.
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My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

do they smoke weed?

Yes, actually.

you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?

It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)

They don’t look like they smoke weed.

Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.

Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.

I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING 

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19leahjade96

Well that escalated quickly……

What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*

haha oh my god

who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.

love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.

and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.

“the goo pile that is now your body”

i’m dying over here, jesus

please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.

*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot… *leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*

this dude playin omg 

Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still  at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you.  I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.* Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*

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calware

PSA

avoid conforming to traditional gender norms by avoiding this common palette:

try using these palettes instead!!

Not to be mean but they’re right. None of these would ever fit together

They’re DISGUSTING, op. I’m sorry, it’s better you hear it here than have your grandma say she likes your clothes.

i actually disagree! not to bring back a certain children's hospital and say "it's literally color theory" unironically, but... it's literally color theory. both of these color palettes are virtually complimentary and look pretty nice together

youve got reds, greens, and blues:

and purples, blues, yellows, and oranges:

(you'll have to click on the images to see the full thing, i don't want to put them one after the other and make this post even longer than it already is. sorry for the low resolution im doing this on my phone)

of course there's variation in the values and saturation, but imo that's a bit of a given ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

wait actually fuck this post. what the hell is going on between you two

not to re-rail a post that OP himself intentionally derailed but I wanted to try out the palettes. The first one is made with the Girl Colors with no changes made to the values/saturation.

i think its ok. 

The second one I tweaked the saturation and values a to my liking. Both are very low effort but as you can see I kinda got into the second one. Anyway I really like orange/purple/yellow as a color scheme so I had fun with this 

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nekoglycerin

hey op i hope u dont mind but i made some boys and girls in these colors ^v^

wait omg it would be so cool if there was a different character for each color and they were all in one friend group together, i would LOVE to read a story about that

omg someone should make a Kickstarter for this!!!!!

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polyphonetic

it's interesting that there are twelve of them! you could like, based them all off of the zodiac. you know, tiger, rat, rabbit, dragon, etc

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joeyclaire

HUH

This post took so .any left turns we got back on track and turned left again anyways Homestuck on the dash again good morning everybody

Terrible post everyone, hit the showers

There's everything in that post. Colours I can't see because I'm colour-blind. Homestuck jokes. Casual transphobia. A children's hospital. That's history

This post is like trying to do an olympic sprint through a fucking minefield

it's not even a year old yet??

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anarcokat

what about not gendering fucking colours

IT'S SATIRE

I'M THE OP

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fleshdyke

amogus being put down

Why are you a furry?

The hands. They're paws.

you know what? i dedicate this doodle sheet to you, tumblr user heliacal-paladin. you’ve won

still couldn't resist leaving some claws in

SHUT THE FUCK UP

STOP BULLYING ME

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strangermask

I feel like this post is gonna be a tumblr heritage post one day

oh no

It has; already appeared in 2 YouTube videos and one of my friends who has never used tumblr before knows of this post.

Roxy I’m sorry to say that I first knew you from Reddit and only discovered your Tumblr because amogus euthanasia was on every tumblr and furry subreddit

oh my god.

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aromancy

I have a morbid curiosity about what furries think of this post.

hey, i’m a furry! plenty of my friends are furries! we all think this post is super funny lmao

Well, I know you're a furry.

Look at how you draw hands.

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reblogged
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calware

PSA

avoid conforming to traditional gender norms by avoiding this common palette:

try using these palettes instead!!

Not to be mean but they’re right. None of these would ever fit together

They’re DISGUSTING, op. I’m sorry, it’s better you hear it here than have your grandma say she likes your clothes.

i actually disagree! not to bring back a certain children's hospital and say "it's literally color theory" unironically, but... it's literally color theory. both of these color palettes are virtually complimentary and look pretty nice together

youve got reds, greens, and blues:

and purples, blues, yellows, and oranges:

(you'll have to click on the images to see the full thing, i don't want to put them one after the other and make this post even longer than it already is. sorry for the low resolution im doing this on my phone)

of course there's variation in the values and saturation, but imo that's a bit of a given ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

wait actually fuck this post. what the hell is going on between you two

not to re-rail a post that OP himself intentionally derailed but I wanted to try out the palettes. The first one is made with the Girl Colors with no changes made to the values/saturation.

i think its ok. 

The second one I tweaked the saturation and values a to my liking. Both are very low effort but as you can see I kinda got into the second one. Anyway I really like orange/purple/yellow as a color scheme so I had fun with this 

Avatar
nekoglycerin

hey op i hope u dont mind but i made some boys and girls in these colors ^v^

wait omg it would be so cool if there was a different character for each color and they were all in one friend group together, i would LOVE to read a story about that

omg someone should make a Kickstarter for this!!!!!

Avatar
polyphonetic

it's interesting that there are twelve of them! you could like, based them all off of the zodiac. you know, tiger, rat, rabbit, dragon, etc

Avatar
joeyclaire

HUH

This post took so .any left turns we got back on track and turned left again anyways Homestuck on the dash again good morning everybody

Terrible post everyone, hit the showers

There's everything in that post. Colours I can't see because I'm colour-blind. Homestuck jokes. Casual transphobia. A children's hospital. That's history

This post is like trying to do an olympic sprint through a fucking minefield

it's not even a year old yet??

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anarcokat

what about not gendering fucking colours

IT'S SATIRE

I'M THE OP

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reblogged

water tribble

water tribble

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lacefuneral

water tribble

d

desert tribble

desert tribble

d

dessert tribble

dessert tribble

dessert tribble

h

hot tribble…..

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thenorsiest

hot tribble

hot tribble

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humunanunga

c

cold tribble..

cold tribble

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mckittericks

cold tribble

d

dirt tribble

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tundraroo

dirt tribble

dirt tribble

c

crystal tribble

Image

crystal tribble

crystal tribble

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willow404

r

rubber tribble

rubber tribble

Rubber tribble

garden tribble

garden tribble

garden tribble

s

stone tribble

stone tribble

stone tribble

s

shiny tribble

shiny tribble

shiny tribble

l

light tribble

light tribble

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kkshowtunes

light tribble

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eyess

c

cat tribble

cat tribble

cat tribble

c

cloud tribble

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cloud tribble

Cloud tribble

b

bubble tribble

Bubble tribble

Bubble tribble

T

Tumblr tribbles

Tumblr tribbles

Tumblr tribble

What the hell is a tribble

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tailsandco

rb w/ a controversial food opinion

@praystations youd obliterate this entire post

-ketchup with absolutely everything you can ever think of that is edible? delicious.

-ranch is not for salads, its for warmed up cereal + milk (it gives it that nice creamy flavor)

-you should eat your oatmeal raw in a cup with water and some paprika sauce for a nice kick

-pineapple mint broccoli pizza is good, but god tier with ketchup

-if you aren’t slathering your chocolate in tahini, who are you?

-skittles ketchup tacos are yummy….

-raisins are for crumbled up fried turkey patties

I have to add the ones from that ask I answered so here:

1. mini banana moonpie ketchup and hard boiled eggs are my go to sandwich ingredients

2. sardines and ketchup and rice make a really nice snack

3. If you don’t have peanut butter or jelly for a pb&j, just use tahini and ketchup

4. Warm oatmeal and ranch is even better than cinnamon apple oatmeal

5. Mint choco chip ice cream + orange juice in a blender is a really tasty smoothie

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flotorshi

Literally every episode of My Cat from Hell

Neatly summarized as: people not knowing how to properly take care of cats

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impuretale

The episodes that don’t conform to this formula are also always the most interesting. These situations include:

1) I Didn’t Know My Cat Had PTSD and Has Gone Blind.

2) Your Cats Fight Because One of Them Doesn’t Know How to Speak Cat, and They’re Both Kinda Mad/Confused About It. 

3) Your Cat Sprays Everywhere? Get Them Fixed. Surprise Twist: They Were Fixed But It Was a Botched Operation.

4) We’re Going to Rescue 50+ Kittens, Take Them to Vegas, and Adopt Them All To Loving Homes.

5) This is Not a Cat. This is a Dog. 

Hang on what was number five?

@libertarirynn   #5 was - 

THATS A DOG?

Also this

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nyctosaurid

if you don’t know the difference between a hare and a rabbit you’ve never gazed into the cold wild eyes of a hare and known that if it could speak it would speak backwards

Image

Jack Rabbits are North American Hares and they’re the WORST to encounter at night becuase:

  • You all know how big a rabbit is.  Jack Rabbits and hares are much bigger. they’re the size of large cats or small dogs or just-walking-age children.
  • They also like to hang out in gangs of a hlf dozen to over 30.
  • and in the middle of backcountry dirt roads.
  • perhaps they’re dustbathing
  • or blood sacrifce
  • I don’t know because when you come up the road at night because your dog has a tiny bladder and needs to go out at midnight and you have no yard so you’re walking him on the dirt road around your neighborhod because you might aw well get some stargazing in, and you come just over the ridge to see a coven of twenty jackrabbits in the middle of the road
  • and
  • they
  • all
  • stand
  • up
  • not just onto all fours like a proper prey animal
  • No they get up on thier hind legs and don’t just sit but STAND like tiny rabbit-skinned toddlers, wobbing slightly as they stare directly at you eyes shining in your flashlight’s glow
  • …Blood Red.
  • And a chill goes through you on that warm july night because while they’re a puntable size and allegedly herbivores they’re standing and watching you just like people and you are vastly outnumbered.
  • everyone freezes
  • you’re considering your odds aganst roughly 200lbs of Suspiciously Humanoid Hare
  • and they’re considering their odds against you
  • the only sound in the never-ending high desert wind 
  • somewhere in your peripheral vision you can see the streetlights but they seem awfully far away
  • The nearest Jack Rabbit
  • Blinks
  • and takes a single shuffling step
  • forward
  • You area an overdevloped monkey and your prefrontal cortex is capable of some amazing feats but it runs very slowly compared to the reflexes of a rabbit and you’re frozen as you desperately scramble for the appropriate course of action, hands feeling thick and useless, mouth dry and feet imeasurably heavy there’s no way you’d outrun THESE, god there’s a rabies outbreak going around that shit’s not curable-
  • The Dog
  • L U N G E S
  • It’s only the briefest of movements but the animal you’d picked out for his gangly legs and floppy ears and goofy smile is suddenly a dark shape of muscle and teeth and had flung himself at the horrible goblin rabbits faster than mere physics should dictate, appearing in the circle of the flashlight for only the briefest of moments before the jolt from the leash makes you stumble and the light falters
  • The Jack Rabbits
  • Scatter
  • Vanishing into the faintly starlit sagebrush in as so many faint gray shapes that might be mistaken for the dustclouds they kick up
  • Later, you sit on the couch disquieted
  • and you wonder
  • If the sight of the Jack Rabbits standing and studying you was frightening enough to make you yearn for the safety of the yellowed streetlights
  • what must it be like from thier end?
  • what terrifying creature 
  • deliberately ties itself
  • to something so horrible
  • As a Dog?

@gallusrostromegalus that last bit gave me such a strong mental image I absolutely had to draw it

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helloitsbees

this is entrapment

two equally delightful paths here:

1) a very simple and genuine “i like your shoelaces”, which tells me that you are either a lesbian or a very cool ally

2) “i like your shoelaces” followed by the pronounced grimace of one recalling their past sins, which tells me that you were a 2012 tumblr user. i now hold the power in this conversation and you are at my mercy.

if you know about 2012 tumblr how do you hold any power in any conversation

well, stucky fanfic url, the trick is to not let them know that you are also cringe

this is the most poignant burn ive seen all year

everyone lost

losers gonna pick on losers forever ^-^

Tumblr has the best PvP of any social media

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snowylynxx
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joeyclaire

i think putting some dumb shit or even just being rude on a stranger's post should be a punishable offense

then I’m UNDER ARREST

last night we were on a call and indy was stalking my blog saw this and asked if this person was in my server and i had to explain to them that no this person is a stranger their addition was just so fucking funny that i didn't care

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reblogged

water tribble

water tribble

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lacefuneral

water tribble

d

desert tribble

desert tribble

d

dessert tribble

dessert tribble

dessert tribble

h

hot tribble…..

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thenorsiest

hot tribble

hot tribble

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humunanunga

c

cold tribble..

cold tribble

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mckittericks

cold tribble

d

dirt tribble

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tundraroo

dirt tribble

dirt tribble

c

crystal tribble

Image

crystal tribble

crystal tribble

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willow404

r

rubber tribble

rubber tribble

Rubber tribble

garden tribble

garden tribble

garden tribble

s

stone tribble

stone tribble

stone tribble

s

shiny tribble

shiny tribble

shiny tribble

l

light tribble

light tribble

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kkshowtunes

light tribble

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eyess

c

cat tribble

cat tribble

cat tribble

c

cloud tribble

Image

cloud tribble

Cloud tribble

b

bubble tribble

Bubble tribble

Bubble tribble

T

Tumblr tribbles

Tumblr tribbles

Tumblr tribble

What the hell is a tribble

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ratfuck

British food look like this

Excuse me.

Okay.. alright..

British food does not look like that.

That is British food:

This is British food:

Sunday dinner looks amazing right?

This is also British food:

So what cheek do you have at commenting that British food is basically shit. And yes I’m British and we don’t all drink tea and speak posh oh no. That’s due to the area you live in.

Oxfordshire=posh

London= cockney

Midlands= northern

Welsh= north

And Scotland northern

And the food depends on what area you get your food from different areas have different ideas on food such as Scotland haggis and deep fried Mars bars.

So just don’t Diss British food, you’ve probably never tried it.

*goes to a restaurant in Liverpool*

me: Yes ma'am I’d like to order the Jellied Ox Taint

waitress: Oi cummin roight op govna

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grimeclown

Kinda fucked up and nasty how vampires drink blood, imo. Like. Pepsi costs a dollar seventy five

Hospital

Not me I’m paying a dollar seventy five. At the hospital

I feel like we’re getting off topic

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bitegore

So is pepsi if you steal it?

Because it’s only a dollar seventy five

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aromancy

Why in God's name would a vampire drink pepsi

Why would anyone drink Pepsi?

That’s why I’m not a fan of the sexy vampire trope.

1. It’s overused and supports the current status quote of typical vampire supremacy:worshiping rich folk.

2. Vampires prey upon humans and therefore symbolize capitalists preying on the working class.

3. Werewolves are much sexier imo.

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star-lara

am I having a stroke????

you might want to go to the hospital then

I hear the Pepsi is cheaper there

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reblogged

idk where “monkeys like bananas” came from but im so glad its a thing because its so fucking funny for no reason at all

They are both the same color

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yesthatgino

They’re thinking of Curious George the yellow monkey

Paddington bear wears that yellow ass coat

his name is ted. also, he’s not a monkey

ive moved on

world heritage post

this is from two weeks ago

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reblogged

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

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savvygooner
ImageImage

LISTEN-

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

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antiandrogen

father god 

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abrown16

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

-_-’

(15+15=30

25+25=30)

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britteryikes

25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

Lord have mercy….

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kumasenpai

Bye

3 days into 2018 smh

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kwantsu

LMAOOOOOOO

One

Three

Five

Nine

And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter ‘E’.

🗣YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

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thxrsdxy

It keeps getting worse.

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

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ellsworthej

My head hurts…

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

who failed yall?

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