Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Five
Chapter Five: Soundtrack of Life
Plot: Y/n, Joel and Ellie journey to Bill and Frank’s house, where Joel and Y/n are forced into a conversation.
Word Count: 11.2k
Warnings: tlou ep.3 spoilers, language, guns, canon-typical violence, mention of killing (16+)
A/N: You guys blow this thing up more and more each week and I’m blown away each time. I see all your lovely comments, even if I don’t respond. A gentle reminder that this is a 16+ fic and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist who does not have their name on their page. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀
Regarding this chapter, I did NOT intend forit to be this long. I honestly thought because the episode was all about Bill and Frank that it would be the shortest, but here we are. It contains one of my favorite scenes of the entire series, I’ll let you guess which one it os 😉
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May 16th, 2002. Austin, Texas.
Y/n considered herself a fairly confidant person. She kept her fear reserved for things like family emergencies, natural disasters…things out of her control.
Not first dates with men she’d known a week.
She was pacing her kitchen, heels clicking against the linoleum floor and her sundress swishing each time she looped around. Her hands wrung themselves against her abdomen. She had never felt so nervous about a date, not even in high school. She figured it was a warning sign of some type. Either she was making a huge mistake or a fantastic decision. She rested her head against one of the cabinets and prayed it was the latter…
Outside Y/n’s complex, Joel had just parked his truck. Dressed in a long sleeved plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, jeans and dress shoes, he felt constrained. Like his chest had expended three sizes and the shirt was no longer able to accommodate it. Or was he just hot? Hungry?
Joel tightened his grip on the steering wheel and shut his eyes. He was nervous.
It had been at least one, maybe two years since he’d been on a date. A neighbor’s daughter that Joel had felt obligated to go out with so that it would sate his street in their constant attempts at setting him up. It had been much longer since he’d voluntarily sought someone out. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself it wasn’t marriage. They were just going to dinner. If nothing happened, it wasn’t the end of the world…
Joel sighed, but he wanted something to happen…
He picked up the roses from the passenger seat, a nod to the night they’d met, pocketed his keys and stepped out of the truck. He felt dazed as he climbed the stairs to the second floor. 41B, Y/n had told him. When he reached the door, he hesitated to knock. Such a minuscule part of the night, but the mere act of coming to her door felt like the beginning of…everything.
Three raps broke Y/n from her panic party.
She’d put on an old record, hoping it would ease her nerves. It hadn’t done a thing. She stood up straight, drawing a deep and tried to force confidence through her body.
When Y/n opened the door, Joel lost any and all words he’d been thinking over in his head. She was dressed in a simple yellow flowered dress, but it was her wearing it that melted Joel. She looked like sunshine itself.
“Hi,” she smiled.
“Hi,” Joel exhaled, “Sorry if I’m late.”
Y/n looked at the clock near the door, “Only a minute. I think I can excuse that.”
Joel huffed a nervous laugh. What came next?
“These are for you,” he stated, holding out the flowers.
Roses. Y/n was shocked that Joel had remembered the tiny detail of their night in the bar. Tommy’s nickname was going to stick so long as she stuck around the Millers, she had a feeling…
“They’re gorgeous,” she giggled, “You’ve got a good memory.”
Joel gave a half shrug, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans after.
Y/n felt like her brain had stopped processing for a split second. She jumped back to reality, “Come on in, I’ll go get these in some water.”
Joel followed her into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. It was modest, minimally decorated but the walls had pictures strung all over them. He could already tell she was more sentimental than materialistic. The roses had been a good decision.
Y/n made her way to her kitchen, carefully balancing as she crouched down to dig through her cabinets for a vase. Flowers. He’d brought her flowers. What guy did that on a first date? Was that a Texas gentleman thing? She didn’t particularly care, it was one of the sweetest gestures someone had ever made towards her. And tying it back to the night they’d met made it that much sweeter.
“Nice place,” Joel called from the entry area. The apartment was open so if the front door was one end, the kitchen was stretched twenty feet away from it.
“It’s decent,” Y/n replied, filling the vase with water, “Moving was such a spur of the moment decision, I didn’t think I was going to find anything.”
Joel awkwardly balled his fists at his side, he didn’t want to walk too far and cross a line. It was only then that he realized there was music playing.
“Linda Ronstadt,” he blurted.
“Oh yeah,” Y/n smiled, heading over to turn off her record player, “You like her?”
“Love her,” Joel replied, good taste in music was another box ticked for him.
“Okay,” Y/n announced, more to encourage herself, and crossed the room, “All set.”
She grabbed her purse off the hook and Joel opened the door for her.
“Where are we going?” Y/n asked as she locked the door.
This was the part Joel was dreading most of all. “Yeah,” he began, shoving his hands in his pockets, “There’s a place ‘bout ten minutes away called Tito’s. It’s, uh, it’s not the fanciest place but-“
Feeling a sudden, and most likely brief, wave of confidence wash over her, Y/n turned around and put her hand on Joel’s chest.
“Hey,” she smiled, “I don’t care about any of that. I work in a hardware store, I’m not expecting Seasons 52.”
Weight both lifted and slammed into Joel’s chest. If Y/n’s laugh could warm it, her touch could give it new life.
A corner of his mouth quirked upwards, “Okay.”
With an affirmative nod, Y/n allowed Joel to lead her down the stairs, open the car door for her and take her deep into the Friday night Austin scene…
—————————————
Tito’s had ended up being the perfect place.
There was very little a fancy restaurant could add to a date. Sure, the setting could be romantic, but that didn’t guarantee romance. At the end of the day, whether you went to the biggest hotel in the city or a fast food joint, it all boiled down to feeling that spark.
Joel and Y/n’s spark could have set fire to Austin.
“So wait,” Y/n tried to contain her laughter, they were seated out on the patio, “Tommy seriously nailed his pants…to the wall?”
Joel took a swig of his Budweiser and shrugged, “And tried to blame the nail gun.”
Y/n covered her mouth as she snorted, “So no tequila the night before a job anymore, huh?”
Joel shook his head, pointing off into the distance, “And a mile down the road, he just shot straight up in bed because I told you that story.”
Another round of laughter. “Oh gosh,” Y/n sniffled, “Can’t imagine what you two were like as kids.”
“You have any brothers or sisters?” Joel asked, every time he asked her a question, he got to stare at her. It had made him more chatty than usual.
“Two,” Y/n answered, “Sister and a brother, both older.”
“Baby of the family,” Joel observed.
“Yes, and as the age-old tale goes,” Y/n scrunched her nose and smiled, “I’m the little lost bird. Brother’s an Ivy League english teacher who vacations in Europe every year. My sister’s married to a ridiculously successful doctor and just had a baby.”
Joel listened carefully, coming up confused. “I’m not following,” he said, wiping his mouth with his napkin, “What about that makes you lost?”
“They’re both very settled,” Y/n answered, swirling her beer, “They both knew exactly what they wanted in life and they went for it. One of the whole reasons I moved to Austin was to try and find that…thing, you know?”
Joel nodded, “Yeah, I get it,” he decided to lighten the mood, “And the hardware store’s it, huh?”
Y/n smiled and rolled her eyes, “No, the hardware store’s not it. But it makes me happy.”
“That’s a step in the right direction, then,” Joel commented, never taking his eyes off of her.
Y/n could have sat there for the rest of the night just enjoying the warmth of his stare. “So,” she shook herself out of the daze, “What about you? Is construction your thing?”
Joel laughed under his breath, “Pays the bills. Wasn’t originally what I saw myself doin’, but it’s work.”
“What did you want to do?” Y/n asked.
“Music,” Joel answered, “Guitar.”
Y/n’s eyes widened, “You play?”
“I used to,” Joel said, knowing the question that would come after. That was the true test…”Still do sometimes, just for myself.”
“What made you stop?”
Joel sighed, staring down at the condensation that his beer had formed on the table. Either he was about to bring the night to a grinding halt or…well, he hadn’t seen the second option yet. From anyone.
“I met someone,” he started, “We had a kid. She ran out on me pretty soon after. Not a lot of time left over to go around playin’ gigs.”
The chatter around them seemed to fade as Y/n took in the reality of Joel’s answer. He was a single father, and had been for a while, it seemed. All of him made complete sense suddenly. The constant worry lines on his face, the responsibility, the work ethic…
“Boy or a girl?” Y/n took a chance and asked.
“Girl,” Joel answered, a small smile coming to his face, “She’s about to turn thirteen.”
Y/n continued, “What’s her name?”
Joel was surprised, more than surprised, that Y/n wasn’t running the other way. There weren’t a lot of women who willingly took on single dads. Here she was wanting to learn about his little family.
“Sarah.”
Y/n nodded, letting the information rest on the table. “Sarah,” she echoed, “What’s she like?”
“She’s…” Joel let out a laugh under his breath, “She’s incredible. Gets straight A’s, plays soccer, got room in her heart for just about everyone she meets…”
Y/n listened enthusiastically as Joel told stories about his stories as a single dad. How Tommy was helping to raise Sarah, how the three of them were extremely tight knit, how he wished his long hours didn’t interfere with getting to spend time with her…not even for a second did she think about leaving.
“You love her so much,” Y/n blurted before she could think it through. She just had to say it.
Joel smiled warmly over his beer bottle, “She’s my world.”
It was a moment so tender, it almost broke your heart. Joel was letting Y/n closer than anyone else had gotten…ever. And she wasn’t pulling away, she was digging in.
Inside the restaurant, there was soft music playing over a dance floor. Joel and Y/n had eyed it all evening, wondering if their night would inevitably end up there. From outside on the patio, they could hear the song change to one they both knew.
“I love this song,” Y/n said in passing.
Joel had been waiting all night for his nerves to calm or for the perfect song to transcend pass the anxiety. This was as good as it was going to get.
“You wanna dance?”
Y/n’s smile spread across her face, “Yeah.”
Joel stood and held out his hand for Y/n to take, their palms tingling at the touch. He kept a loose hold on it as he led her into the building, snaking through the crowd and onto the dance floor. Their were couples packed wall to wall, but they were able to find a pocket of space just for them.
Y/n’s heart did double time as she rested her hand on Joel’s broad shoulder. Joel pulled her towards him, connecting their hands and holding them up. They hadn’t yet been this close and it felt as intoxicating as they thought it might.
Joel’s hand rested on the higher part of Y/n’s hip. He exhaled shakily, hoping she hadn’t noticed. Slowly, they began to sway to the soft guitar.
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you….
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do….
They moved as one, Y/n’s gaze resting over Joel’s shoulder because she knew if she looked in his eyes, she’d be overwhelmed.
Joel’s desires were doing battle with his self-control. He wanted to wrap himself around her entirely, leaving no space between their bodies. He would, of course, leave it up to her. She got to decide where the night went.
I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you…
And I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you…
Their chests brushed against each other, sending a thrill through their bodies. The second it started to fade, Y/n chased it, inching closer to Joel till their torsos aligned.
Joel’s head instinctively turned towards her just as she looked up. Y/n’s nose grazed his cheek, his beard delightfully scraping her skin. If they had intended to make eye contact, they never made it there. With Joel’s breath fanning her face and the scent of his cologne enveloping her, Y/n didn’t dare move and disturb the perfection.
No, I don’t wanna fall in love…
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
Feeling confidant that she wouldn’t pull away, Joel’s arm slid around Y/n’s waist, his hand resting across her lower back. Y/n’s skin felt inflamed, like the building’s walls had fallen and the heat of the night was swallowing her whole. Her cheek fell against Joel’s closing the very last bit of space that laid between them.
No, I don’t wanna fall in love…
(This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you…
That was it, it was a done deal. There was nothing left for them to do but let themselves fall. Their hearts hammered in time with one another, their respective anxiety intertwining at the base of their souls and transfiguring. Instead of a storm, raging, crashing, knocking them over, it became a wave, powerful and passionate. Drawing strength from each other, they allowed the full force of their feelings to flood them.
When the night was over, Joel drove Y/n back to her apartment. They’d chatted on the drive over, but the dance had left them both stunned. Where was there to go from there? What were they supposed to say when a whole conversation had been had in each other’s arms?
They walked up the stairs, coming to Y/n’s door and nervously pausing.
“I had a great time,” Y/n said, fiddling with her keys in one hand.
“Me too,” Joel smiled, broader than his usual thin lipped smirk.
The space between them grew tense. Who was supposed to ask who out for a second date? Were they supposed to kiss? What was-
“So…” Joel set aside all his excessive thoughts, “Did I earn a shot at a second date?”
A laugh rippled through Y/n’s body, thankful that he’d been the one to bring it up. Drawing from Joel’s confidence, she closed the space between them and placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder.
“I think your chances are pretty good,” she softly told him.
Joel’s heart throbbed at both Y/n’s touch and her words. His hand found its way to her waist, not wanting to let the closeness go just yet. They only needed to move a few inches, just a few measly inches and then they’d have it all.
Joel’s breath fanned Y/n’s lips as they allowed themselves to be drawn into one another. The delicious space, hanging on the edge of desire and satisfaction, was enough for them. That was how they knew there was something different to what they felt. Just to be close was enough.
“Maybe we should wait,” Y/n whispered in their shared space, pressing her fingers into Joel’s shoulder a little, “Wouldn’t want to rush anything.”
The tip of Joel’s nose rubbed hers, admitting a defeat that didn’t feel like one. “Wouldn’t want you to think you can take advantage of me or somethin’,” Joel smirked, “I have my reputation to think of.”
Y/n’s laugh mingled with Joel’s, her skin tingling as he brushed a stray piece of hair from her face.
“I’ll call you,” Joel assured.
“I hope so,” Y/n smiled before daring to press her lips to his cheek, “Goodnight, Joel.”
“Goodnight,” Joel choked out, the touch of her kiss paralyzing him.
She unlocked her front door and headed in, Joel stood on the welcome mat until the lock clicked. Alone in the concrete hall, he boyishly kicked his foot and grinned.
Y/n rested her forehead against the front door, shaking her head and grinning.
Joel got down to his truck, started it up and fell back in his seat.
Y/n laughed against the door, playing the night back in her head.
Joel smiled and slapped the steering wheel.
They felt weightless.
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2023. Outside Boston.
Grief hung like a storm cloud over the group.
Y/n had left Joel and Ellie to make a lavatory out of nature, and was walking back. They’d camped overnight in a forest, a few miles outside of Boston. Joel had instructed they were leaving as soon as the sun came up.
When she got back to their camp, she found Ellie sitting up against her tree near the creek, Joel’s jacket draped over her legs.
“He’s still not back?” Y/n asked.
“Nope,” Ellie popped her lips.
Y/n rolled her eyes, if Joel was going to boss them around, he needed to comply with his own demands. She set off into the forest, going the same way he had.
The sound of the larger creek welcomed her. She scanned the area, looking for Joel’s tall frame and finding nothing. She slapped her hands against her legs in a shrug, if anything had happened to him, they’d be dead too. Where was-
The scrape of stones caught her ear.
Y/n gazed down to see Joel, hunched over on the river’s bed of rocks. With a fair bit of distance between them, Y/n could see him stacking stones. He was building a cairn.
He was building Tess a grave.
Y/n’s feelings contradicted themselves. Joel’s loss of the woman he cared for felt karmic, in a way, and yet the sight of him, so broken and empty, reminded her that bitterness had no place commingling with loss.
She didn’t disturb his memorial, she simply leaned against a nearby tree. Tess’ last wish hadn’t been selfish, she had begged for protection for Joel. They were, perhaps, the most heartbreaking final words Y/n had ever heard. She’d promised Tess, what else was she supposed to do? She couldn’t let Tess die in a horrific sacrifice thinking that Joel would meet her soon after.
Y/n sighed, letting her head hit the tree. The day was already exhausting her.
She decided to let Joel have a few extra minutes, walking back to their campsite. Ellie was in the exact same position as when she left. All of this trauma was being rehashed for one girl, but Y/n still believed she was worth it.
Footsteps behind her signaled that Joel was back from his solitary service. He didn’t look in either Y/n or Ellie’s direction, only trudging to his backpack and squatting beside it. It had been a near silent walk from Boston, Ellie asking Y/n an occasional question or Joel giving directions. They were all avoiding each other for different reasons.
Joel blamed Ellie.
Y/n blamed Joel.
And Ellie blamed no one, but could sense tension when she saw it.
“You want your jacket back?” Ellie asked Joel, testing the waters.
Joel continued digging through his backpack, responding with a small shake of the head. He still refused to look at her. The only gesture he made was after digging out and taking a bite of food, he threw the remainders to Ellie.
“I’ve never been in the woods,” the girl continued talking, “More bugs than I thought.”
Y/n leaned up against a tree, waiting and watching how the interaction played out.
“Look, I’ve been thinking about-“ Ellie started.
Joel rose to his feet, throwing his backpack over his shoulder, “I don’t want your sorries.”
Ellie sat forward, “I wasn’t gonna say I’m sorry. I was gonna say that I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made you or Tess take me. Nobody made you go along with this plan. You needed a truck battery or whatever, and you made a choice. So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.”
Joel’s eyes scanned Ellie before looking to Y/n, who simply raised an eyebrow at him. She was in total agreement. And the truth was, Joel didn’t have a reason to put any of what happened on Ellie. But he wanted someone to be angry with, someone to fling his grief at so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it any longer.
The rational side of him won out. He gave Ellie a small nod, mentally collected himself and picked up his rifle. It was time to hit the road.
Ellie got up and handed Joel his jacket, “How much longer?”
“Five-hour hike,” he answered.
Y/n collected her backpack, tied her jacket around her waist and came to stand with Ellie.
“We can manage that,” the girl shrugged, she was the most confidant out of all three of them.
Joel glanced over at Y/n again, the two of them communicating their indifference wordlessly, before turning on his heel.
Y/n put a hand on Ellie’s head and waited for Joel to be out of earshot, “Attagirl.”
Ellie smiled up at the woman and they fell in step a few feet behind their guide.
Joel got them out of the woods and onto a dirt path, leading their party silently and expecting the same in return. Y/n was perfectly content not to utter a word, but Joel was quickly learning something she already knew; Ellie didn’t do “quiet.”
“You’ve gone this way a lot? No infected?”
“Not often, no,” Joel answered.
“What are you looking out for?” Ellie asked.
“People.”
“Oh,” she rested a beat, “Are Bill and Frank nice?”
“Frank is.”
Y/n stepped forward to walk alongside them, keeping to Ellie’s side. “You haven’t told us anything about them,” she spoke up.
“There’s nothing to tell,” Joel answered.
“I’m entrusting two strangers with our lives,” Y/n scoffed, “There’s a lot to tell.”
“They’re good,” Joel said with finality to his tone.
“Oh, well…” Y/n mumbled under her breath, she was over the whole What-I-Say-Goes front.
Ellie was undeterred by their bickering. “How’d you get that scar on your head?”
Joel sighed, already exasperated and it was barely morning.
“What? Is it something lame?” Ellie inquired excitedly, “Like, you fell down the stairs or something?”
“I didn’t fall down any stairs,” Joel answered.
“Okay, so what then?”
Joel paused before speaking, “Someone shot at me and missed.”
Y/n hated the jolt of concern that shot through her chest. Old habits and all that.
“See, that’s cool,” Ellie insisted, “You shoot back?”
“Yeah,” Joel said.
“You get him?”
“No, I missed too. It happens more often than you think.”
Ellie thought it over, “‘Cause you suck at shooting or, like, in general?”
Joel glanced at her, vaguely insulted, “In general.”
Ellie fell back a step to get a look at Y/n. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Y/n echoed.
“How’d you get this scar?” Ellie poked the white mark on her bare shoulder. She didn’t feel comfortable touching Joel, but she was comfortable with Y/n.
By now, Y/n had scars littered all across her body. Ellie could have pointed to almost any one of them and she would have had to think about where it came from. But the one in the rivet nestled between her scapula and her clavicle was one she could never forget.
“A bullet ricocheted off a wall,” she answered, “Hit me instead.”
“That’s slightly less cool than his,” Ellie commented.
Joel caught himself before he hung back a step to get a look at the mark. It was instinct to worry about her.
“You know, seeing as it’s just the three of us,” Ellie began, “I was thinking I should prob-“
“No,” Joel cut her off, already knowing what she was after.
“Yeah, well, Y/n might feel different,” Ellie said, looking to her only ally.
“She doesn’t,” Y/n answered, smirking slightly at her blind enthusiasm.
They walked a few more feet before coming up on a once-white building.
“Cumberland Farms,” Ellie read the sign.
“Hang back a minute,” Joel instructed them both, though he knew it was useless, “I gotta grab some stuff I stashed.”
“Stashed?” Ellie questioned as she followed, “Why do you have stuff stashed here?”
“You ask a lot of damn questions,” Joel complained.
“Yes,” Ellie smiled, owning every bit of her personality, “I do.”
Joel forced open the door to the old storefront and they entered. It looked just about the same as how he and Tess had left it a few years back.
“So are you gonna answer me or what?” Ellie continued.
Joel relented, “We hide supplies on routes, in case we find ourselves short on gear, which I currently am ‘cause-“
“No way,” Ellie zipped over to the other side of the room, honing in on an old arcade game.
Joel ignored her, Y/n simply smiled to herself.
“You ever play this one?” Ellie asked without really seeking an answer, “Oh, I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There’s this one character named Mileena, who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth-“
While Ellie continued chattering, Joel was pacing the floor, trying to remember where his hiding place had been. Y/n crossed her arms and watched amusedly.
“You forgot where you put your stuff,” Ellie stated.
Joel was quick to defend himself, “No, I’m just zeroing in on it. It’s been a couple of years.”
Ellie and Y/n peered over at one another, sharing a knowing smirk.
“Go see if you can find anything in back,” Y/n instructed, Ellie would have gone even without the prompting, “Practical.”
“Trust me, it’s all been picked over already,” Joel grunted, shaking a wall display.
“Maybe, maybe not,” Ellie replied in a sing-song tone, “Is there anything bad in here?”
“Just you,” Joel called out.
“Ah,” Ellie rolled her eyes, “Getting funnier…”
Y/n set down her backpack, deciding to help speed up the process so they could get back on the road. She walked over to a section of floor that Joel hadn’t searched yet and started kicking around.
“I don’t need help,” Joel muttered.
“If we leave it to you and your shitty memory,” Y/n strained as she shoved a shelving unit with her shoulder, “We’ll be here till dark.”
Joel didn’t want to get drawn into an argument, he also couldn’t resist the person starting it. “My memory’s fine.”
“Oh, really?” Y/n waved a hand across the floor, “Point to the treasure.”
Joel’s lips thinned in frustration, mostly with himself for not being able to find the stash before she latched onto it.
“It’s somewhere on this aisle,” he begrudgingly told her.
“This aisle,” she repeated, the two of them going in opposite directions.
After a minute or two, there was a sound from the back room. “You all right back there?” Joel called.
“Yep!” Ellie replied.
“How likely is it that she’s doing something she shouldn’t be?” Joel asked Y/n, who had weeks more experience curbing Ellie.
Y/n jumped in place on a loose piece of the floor, “100%.”
Joel exhaled and continued searching, eventually feeling a slight raise in one of the tiles. He kicked a few old newspapers aside to discover his hiding spot. And better yet, he’d found it before Y/n did, taking away the opportunity for gloating.
He knelt down and flipped open his pocketknife, cutting open the cover and removing it.
Y/n stopped her hunt and came to crouch down next to him, visually sifting through the supplies. There wasn’t much.
It went against Joel’s natural programming to not be concerned when the back room went silent. Ellie had been gone long enough to have picked through everything at least twice. “Ellie?”
No response.
Now Y/n was on edge as well, rising with Joel. She raised her voice a little louder than him, “Ellie?”
They both unholstered their guns, walking in rhythm together towards the back room. Joel stuck a hand out to form a barrier between whatever unknown threat might have been lurking and Y/n. She annoyedly shoved it away and aimed her gun at the doorway.
They unclenched when Ellie walked out, touting a box of tampons. “Picked over, my ass,” she commented.
Y/n and Joel returned to the stash, Joel unloading his assault rifle and Y/n picking through a tin of first aid supplies.
“What are you doing?” Ellie asked Joel.
“There’s not much ammo out there for this thing,” he replied, bringing the lid back down over the supplies, “Makes it mostly useless.”
Ellie saw an opportunity, “Well, if you’re just gonna leave it there…”
Joel stood to his feet and made direct eye contact, “No.”
Y/n stood up, slung her backpack over her shoulder and lightly pushed Ellie ahead of her. Tess was no longer there to keep occupy Joel and she wanted to put as much space between the two of them as possible.
They were on the dirt road for another hour or two, time didn’t seem to matter in the middle of nowhere. Ellie barely complained, content to take in all that nature had left to offer. At some point, Y/n and Joel had fallen in step with one another. Even sworn enemies would have cracked under pressure and started hurling insults at one another. Their ability to stay silent with one another was unmatched.
“So,” Ellie eventually killed the quiet, “Are you ever going to tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Y/n replied.
“Why you two broke up.”
Joel scrunched his eyes shut, the darkness of his lids a more preferable place to be.
Y/n took the hit and answered, “We never said we dated.”
“You didn’t have to. You knew each other in Texas but you don’t talk,” Ellie began to list off her reasons, “And when you do talk, it’s only to fight.”
“Friends fight too,” Y/n suggested.
Ellie scoffed, “Not like you two.”
There was passion that bled through Joel and Y/n’s arguments that was only born from love. It was one thing they’d never be able to change.
“You don’t need to say anything,” Ellie continued, “I’ll just know that I’m right.”
Joel stopped short, putting a hand up to Ellie and trying to stay calm. “You do not need to say every fuckin’ thing that pops into your head,” he said, driving certain syllables harder than others.
Ellie was unfazed by him, turning her gaze to Y/n. “Was he always this grumpy?”
Y/n sighed, her time in Austin was a piece of her past she didn’t want anyone having. The obviousness of her and Joel’s fractured connection bothered her, it made it that much harder to sever it entirely. She picked up the pace again, getting ahead of Joel and Ellie.
Joel’s eyes followed her, something inside of him twinging against his will. He spared a glance at Ellie and continued on the path.
“Yeah,” Ellie smiled to herself, “They dated.”
They walked a little further before Ellie got distracted by something in a field. “Holy shit,” she exclaimed.
Up on a hilltop lay the rusted remains of a plane crash. The three of them stopped, it was getting harder for Joel and Y/n to remember a world where things like airplanes had existed.
“You fly in one of those?” Ellie asked,
“A few times, sure,” Joel answered.
“Yeah,” Y/n said.
Ellie’s excited eyes scanned the wreck, “So lucky.”
“Didn’t feel like it at the time,” Joel recalled, “Get shoved into a middle seat, pay twelve bucks for a sandwich…”
“Or hit turbulence,” Y/n remembered.
“You got to go up in the sky,” Ellie stated, her voice filled with wonder. Another simple pleasure stolen from her…
Joel had always been more of a realist than Y/n, who wanted Ellie to hold on to whatever pieces of happiness she could. “Yeah, well, so did they,” he added, killing the levity of the moment.
“Grim…” Ellie commented as they continued walking. “So everything came crashing down in one day?”
“Pretty much,” Joel answered, giving Y/n space to interject. She’d gone silent again.
“How?” Ellie asked, “I mean, no one was infected with Cordyceps, everybody’s fine, eating in restaurants and flying in planes. And then all at once? How did it even start? If you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person? Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey.”
Y/n almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Almost.
“It wasn’t a monkey,” Joel answered, “I thought you went to school.”
“FEDRA school,” Ellie replied quickly, “They don’t teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic.”
Joel sighed, he couldn’t fault her for wanting to know how her world was destroyed before she’d even gotten there.
“No one knows for sure, but, best guess,” he began, “Cordyceps mutated. And some of it got into the food supply. Probably a basic ingredient like flour or sugar. There were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere, all across the country, all across the world. Bread, cereal…”
Joel and Y/n didn’t have to look at one another to know they were having the same thought.
“Pancake mix,” Joel continued, “You eat enough of it, it’ll get you infected. So the tainted food all hits the store shelves around the same time, Thursday. People bought it, ate some Thrusday night or Friday morning. Day goes on…they started to get sick. Afternoon, evening, they got worse,” Joel paused, a flash of blood coming to his mind, “Then they started bitin’.”
Y/n shut her eyes, as if it was all playing out in front of her again.
“Friday night,” Joel was able to push out, “September 26th, 2003. And by Monday, everything was gone.”
Y/n didn’t know whether to scream or stay quiet. Her entire world had come crashing down in a span of 72 hours.
“It makes more sense than monkeys,” Ellie said, then looked at Joel, “Thanks.”
“Sure,” he replied. Joel still wasn’t sure what to do with her, but he was trying. He only had to try for a few more hours, anyway.
Y/n kept her eyes down as she walked, only stopping when Ellie and Joel fell out of step. Joel had his arm stretched over Ellie’s chest to keep her in place.
“What now?” Y/n asked, nearing her breaking point with patience.
“We’ll cut across the woods here,” Joel directed.
“Isn’t the road easier?” Ellie asked.
“Yeah, it’s just,” Joel took a breath, looking ahead to Y/n, “There’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see.”
Y/n chortled, she couldn’t take any more of his mood swings. One minute he didn’t care, the next he was watching out for their sensitive eyes?
“Well, now I have to see,” Ellie sang, walking ahead to join Y/n.
“I don’t want you to,” Joel pushed.
“Newsflash, Joel,” Y/n announced, “It’s the fucking apocalypse. We’ve all seen things we don’t want to see.”
Joel paced after them, chasing Ellie more than his ex, “I’m not kidding. Ellie!”
“Can it hurt us?” Ellie asked as Y/n fell behind her.
“No,” Joel answered truthfully.
She spun around to face him as she strolled, “You’re too honest, man, Should’ve said axe murderer.”
While Ellie walked ahead, Joel sped up to match Y/n’s pace. “I’m serious, she shouldn’t see it.”
“You know what,” Y/n didn’t break stride, “I’m sure our delicate little sensibilities can handle whatever it is.”
Anger is intoxicating, but it can also be all-encompassing. It can numb all other senses, blinding all other emotions until the red is staining every part of someone’s perspective. Y/n’s rage with Joel was deceiving her into thinking everything that came out of his mouth was either an insult or an overreaction. Joel knew that the second she found what he was trying to shield her and Ellie from, she’d regret it instantly. But it was futile to fight her.
“Uh, whatever it was,” Ellie called from the front of the group, “Think it’s gone.”
Y/n felt sure of herself as she trudged on, until the details of Ellie’s expression came into view and she followed the girl’s eyes. There in a ditch, lay skeletal remains. If you reconstructed them, they probably made up about a dozen people.
“About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers…” Joel started to explain to Ellie, “Went through the countryside, evacuated the small towns. Told you you were going to a QZ, and you were…if there was room…if there wasn’t…”
“These people weren’t sick?” Ellie inquired.
“No,” Joel replied, “Probably not.”
“Why kill them?” Ellie continued, “Why not just leave ‘em be?”
“It was their fucked up way of trying to contain the infection,” Y/n spoke up, trying to hide her trembling breath. It wasn’t the first open grave she’d seen, this was one of the easier ones to stomach. This was all bones.
Y/n turned on her heel, eager to get as far away from the hellish memories as she could.
————————————
Eventually, they made it to where Joel told them Bill and Frank lived. It was a small chunk of a town completely gated by a tall fence.
“Stay here,” Joel instructed Y/n and Ellie before punching in the entry code on the gate’s keypad. He let them go through first, it was the only place safe enough to do so.
Y/n’s breath caught in her chest, it was the first time she’d seen an actual town in…she’d lost count of the years. The white picket fences, the boutique shops, the houses. Actual houses. It nearly brought tears to her eyes, it reminded her so much of Austin.
The three of them walked to Bill and Frank’s house, the nicest looking one on the block. Joel took notice, however, that the flowers decorating the front porch were dead. Scorched by the sun. Bill would never let that happen.
He opened the front door, taking cautious steps into the entryway. Y/n and Ellie followed close behind.
“What the fuck,” Ellie elongated, it was probably her first time inside an actual house.
“Bill?” Joel called out. No answer. “Frank?” Nothing.
Shit.
“You stay there,” Joel directed Ellie, not looking Y/n’s way since she was going to do what she wanted anyway, “Ya hear anything, you see anything…yell.”
Joel and Y/n didn’t make it more than one step before Ellie spoke up, “What if they’re gone?”
No. Joel couldn’t think about that. He didn’t want to grieve over one more person.
Y/n set off down the hallway, keeping her pistol drawn at her side. Joel had gone through the kitchen, but the two rooms were connected. They made it to the bedroom door at the same time, Joel knocking and jiggling the knob. Nothing.
“Would they leave?” Y/n asked.
“No,” Joel shook his head.
The back porch door shutting got their attention.
“Ellie?” Y/n called, getting nothing in return. She set off back to the dining room where they’d left her, Joel just a step behind.
She was sitting at the table holding a piece of paper. Her expression was undeterminable, like she was between emotions and deciding which one to land on.
“It’s from Bill,” she finally told them.
Y/n sighed, holstering her gun, taking off her backpack and settling into a chair between Joel and Ellie. Joel put away his weapon too, neither of them needed to pretend there was any hope.
Ellie scanned the envelope the letter had come from, “‘To whomever…but probably Joel,’” she tossed it back onto the table, “I figured I fell under “whomever.” It came with this.”
She slid a single car key across the table.
Joel shrugged his backpack off next to Y/n’s, but wouldn’t sit. “So they’re dead?”
“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hummed.
Joel turned away, the very little emotion he let himself feel coming to the surface.
“You-you wanna?” Ellie offered.
He shook his head, “Go ahead. You do it.”
Y/n leaned against her knees, holding her hands to her lips, bracing herself.
“August 29th, 2023,” Ellie began to read, “If you find this…please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn’t smell, but it will probably be a sight. I’m guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehe-“
Ellie looked up in confusion, Y/n gave a small nod for her to continue.
“Take anything you need,” she kept going, “The bunker code is the gate code but in reverse. Anyway…I never liked you, but still, it’s like we’re friends, almost…And I respect you. So, I’m gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand. I used to hate the world and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong, because there was one person worth saving. That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do, and God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep-“
Ellie sucked her bottom lip, not knowing how to proceed. None of them had to ask what the next two words were.
Joel stepped forward robotically and took the letter, reading the rest over silently. Tess’ name struck a blow to his body, he wanted to curl in on himself.
“Stay here,” he mumbled, striding towards the front door with barely contained hurry.
Y/n shut her eyes, keeping her hands in a praying position. It was the first time in twenty years she couldn’t tap into the anger that lived inside her. She felt pure sorrow that Joel had to lose someone else he loved, regardless of whether he’d ever admit to loving Tess.
Outside, Joel took deep breaths that at one time would have been described as cleansing. But he felt no better when he inhaled than he had before. Bill’s letter weren’t just his last wishes, it was a call to action. He couldn’t have known the situation Joel was in when he wrote it, but he supernaturally addressed every part of it. He lifted up a silent apology to Tess, for not being able to save her.
Joel crumpled the letter in his palms and let it drop to the grass. He held up the key Bill had left him, forcing himself to move to the garage doors and open them.
Y/n and Ellie sat up straighter upon hearing the noise. “Stay here,” Y/n echoed Joel, rising up and heading out to see what he was doing.
She walked around to the open garage doors to see Joel hunched over the front of a truck. The hood was open and he was investigating its internal organs. Y/n had barely caught a glance at the empty spot where the battery should have been before Joel slammed it shut. There went that happy thought…
Joel’s eye caught the refrigerator nearby, a couple cans of oil and other auto supplies sitting on top of it. Bill had been a survivalist, it was his nature to prepare for every possible outcome. He crossed the space and opened the fridge, spotting the materials needed to construct a car battery from scratch
He smirked, maybe they had been friends…
Y/n joined him at the door, she was no mechanic but the men throughout her life, Joel and Tommy included, had taught her enough about car repair to know they were battery parts. A spark of hope lit inside her.
It dwindled in both her and Joel when the reality of what it meant hit them.
Y/n suddenly felt too close to him, she moved away and crossed her arms, going to stand on the furthest side of the truck. Joel didn’t move until she stopped, coming to stand on the other side of the vehicle. They wanted a proper barricade between them.
Y/n had made a promise to Tess that she would protect both Ellie and Joel. In the moment, it had seemed like the only honorable thing to do. Now, staring down the task itself, she wanted to admit her selfishness and run. Run back to the QZ, back to the Fireflies, back to the only semblance of safety she had. And with every turn she made in her mind, Ellie was waiting for her. Ellie was at the center of this all. She was the job. Everything else came second.
“If we do this,” Y/n started, her words slowly and cautiously calculated, “You are going to have to start treating me like an equal. I am not some delicate flower that you need to protect and I’m not some child in need of protection. We’ve already got one of those. I live in the same world you do. I didn’t hesitate to kill that Clicker,” she pointed behind them as if the monster’s carcass was present, “And I won’t hesitate going forward.”
Joel looked up at her out his eyebrows, “Can you blame me, last time I knew you?”
“We don’t need to keep bringing us up,” Y/n shook her head, a joyless smile on her face, “We are completely different people. Matter of fact, think of us as strangers. We only know each other from this point forward.”
Joel thought it over a second, accepting the truth of it. “Okay,” he said, “But you have to trust me that I know the best way to get to Wyoming-“
“I don’t trust you,” Y/n retorted.
“I don’t trust you either,” he echoed, bitterness rising to both their surfaces.
Y/n bit down on her bottom lip, if this was going to work, they needed to put away all of their past. Not just the good parts.
“We have to put this on ice,” she said, “What matters…is her. That is all that matters. Not us, not what happened…her.”
Joel’s thumb twitched against the hood of the truck. There were many questions he’d been wanting to ask Y/n, but there was one that was non-negotiable if he was going to take on this task with her
“Do you actually believe that she’s the answer to this?”
Y/n’s face softened, only slightly, but enough for Joel to see the gleam hope in her eyes. “I do,” she replied, earnestly.
Joel breathed a heavy sigh, looking down at the truck. He glanced back up at Y/n, scanning her up and down as if to take full stock of the woman she was now. “Okay.”
Y/n nodded, her body alight with apprehension. “Okay.”
A ceasefire had been called.
“I’ll start on the battery,” Joel announced, eager to get away from the conversation as quick as he could, “Can you do a once over on this thing?”
“Yeah,” she answered, forcing past the hurdle that was doing something Joel asked of her.
They worked in silence, Y/n checking that the car was in working condition and Joel constructing their battery. It was the first time they’d been able to tolerate each other’s presence in the last two days.
After a half hour, when Y/n was long past done, Joel stepped back and examined his work. “It’s gotta charge for a while,” he announced, “But it’ll work.”
“Okay,” Y/n sighed, glancing over at him before heading back out the garage. Joel was close behind.
They came back into the house, finding Ellie waiting for them at the table still.
“Show me your arm,” Joel ordered, he needed to be 100% certain that she was safe to transport.
Ellie stood and rolled up her sleeve, the second bite still had blood caked around it, but it was clearly healing. They had no reason to doubt it would continue that way.
“I just finished makin’ a truck battery,” Joel said, “It’s charging right now.”
“Okay,” Ellie replied, her face showing a hint of hope.
“And I have a brother in Wyoming,” Joel continued, “He’s in some kinda trouble, and I’m heading out there to find him. He used to be a Firefly. And my guess is he knows where some of ‘em are out there. Maybe they can get you two to wherever this lab is.”
Ellie’s eyes bounced between Y/n and Joel, “All right. Uh,” she began to fiddle with her hand, “Listen, about Tess-“
Joel held up a hand, he took a second to collect himself before speaking. “If I’m takin’ you with me, there’s some rules you gotta follow. Rule one, you don’t bring up Tess. Ever. Matter of fact, we can just keep our histories to ourselves.”
Y/n made a mental note of where Joel was emotionally.
“Rule two, you don’t tell anyone about your…condition,” Joel focused his eyes on Ellie, trying to drive the point home, “They see that bite mark, they won’t think it through. They’ll just shoot you. Rule three,” he pointed between him and Y/n, “You do what we say, when we say it. We clear?”
“Yes,” Ellie answered.
“Repeat it,” Joel demanded.
Ellie took a breath, “What you say goes,” she looked between the two adults once more, “Are you two gonna be able to get along?”
Joel glanced over his shoulder at Y/n, who was leaned up against the door frame. She had her hands tucked behind her as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. They communicated their truce with their eyes.
“We’ll be fine,” Y/n said to Ellie, maybe saying it would make it so…
Joel sighed, it felt like he was signing on a metaphorical dotted line. “Okay,” he finally said.
The three of them stood in the dining room, all with their own separate reservations but with no choice in the matter. They needed each other, even if no one dared to admit it.
“So what now?” Ellie broke the silence.
“We grab what we can,” Joel responded, “Let’s check the bunker first.”
He brushed past Y/n, who followed with Ellie in tow, and located the hidden entrance to Bill’s bunker. Joel climbed down the ladder first into the pitch black room. Flipping on the lights revealed walls of canned goods, guns, supplies, various tools and first aid kits. In the middle lay a desk setup with a laptop playing music and monitor screens showing footage of outside the house.
“Ho-ly shit,” Ellie said for both her and Y/n, “This guy was a genius.”
“Little bit,” Y/n added, scanning the walls, “Back then, everyone called people like him crazy. I’m guessing he was okay with it.”
Joel went to work at the computer, switching off the song.
“Why was the music on?” Ellie asked.
“If he didn’t reset the countdown every few weeks,” Joel explained, “This playlist would run over the radio.”
Ellie glanced over the screen, assured now of her theory from the day before about Joel’s radio codes. “‘80s.”
Joel didn’t really care anymore, “Grab some cans from over there. Nothin’ dented or swollen.”
Ellie wasn’t so easily distracted, she was still gazing at the guns. “Dude,” she started to draft another pitch.
“No,” he replied without even looking up at her.
“There’s a whole wall of them,” she declared, as if that made a difference.
Joel shot her a glare, signaling there was no discussion to be had. Searching Y/n out again and receiving a frown in response, Ellie backed off and went to collect the canned goods.
Y/n traced her fingers across the wall of guns. She doubted her pistol was going to get them very far. It had taken an assault rifle and an axe just to kill the Clicker that had attacked them.
She loathed to ask Joel for help, but she was good at shooting, not specs. “Which one takes the most basic ammo?”
Joel peered up from the monitor screens, the sight of her standing amongst so many weapons was still a little shocking. “That beige and black one,” he nodded in her direction, “Standard shotgun.”
Y/n nodded once in awkward thanks and removed the gun from the wall, testing the weight and feel of it. She crossed the room to one of Bill’s work tables and took a box of bullets, stuffing it in her jacket pocket.
“I’m gonna start upstairs,” she announced, strapping the shotgun over her back and climbing up the ladder.
The three of them worked around the house, collecting any and all supplies they could possibly need. Ellie found toilet paper, Y/n found some unopened dry goods, Joel found clothes for them. It was strange to think that once upon a time, desires had felt like essentials. A new TV, concert tickets, expensive wine…Y/n felt like she was seeing heaven when Joel pulled out a box of women’s t-shirts.
Joel monitored the battery closely, it wasn’t charging as fast as he wanted it to. “Needs another hour,” he told them.
“They have hot water!” Ellie exclaimed, soaking her hand under the garage’s running faucet, “I’m takin’ a shower. And then you’re showering, because seriously,” she turned to Joel and scowled as he headed back to the house.
Joel stopped what he was doing, unsure of how to respond. “I smell that bad?”
Y/n was sorting through some shelves, collecting a few tools they could take with them for the truck. “I’m not even answering that,” she replied.
Joel took what he could from her answer. “You take the next one,” he offered, trying to put his money where he mouth was and bench their grudge.
“Should I be offended?” Y/n fired back, raising one eyebrow. “Thank you,” she finally said.
Joel gave a nod in reply before getting back to work.
Y/n eventually headed inside to wait for Ellie to be done. The girl emerged with wet hair in fresh clothes.
“That felt so good,” she groaned in happiness as she passed Y/n in the hall.
“I bet,” Y/n smiled, “There extra towels in there?”
“Yep,” Ellie called, she was already halfway down the stairs, passing Joel as she descended.
If Y/n and Joel had dodged any awkwardness in the past 48 hours, it had boomeranged back around and slammed into them. They stood in the hall, keeping three feet of space between them and struggled for words.
“I’ll be quick,” Y/n said finally, heading into the bedroom that connected to the bathroom.
“Sure,” Joel replied, fiddling with his fist at his side.
Showers were one thing that no one ever took for granted anymore. Water supply in the QZ wasn’t consistent, one day you could have warm water and the next it’d be ice cold. You couldn’t count on anything to stay the same. So when Y/n had complete control of the temperature and made it burning hot, she felt like she could cry from pure joy.
Joel stood outside the bedroom door, leaned up against the wall. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Sweet images of early mornings with Y/n stormed past his defenses, flooding his brain. How she looked with wet hair, the smell of her skin after using some soap he couldn’t remember the name of…he tried to ignore the fact that it was all on the other side of the door.
Y/n emerged from the shower a few minutes later, having gotten all the dirt out of her hair and nails, and wrapped a threadbare towel around her torso. She quickly dried off and changed into the new clothes Joel had found them. It was a plain t-shirt, a men’s button up to go over it and a plain pair of jeans. Gone were the days of dressing up because you felt like it. It was a stupid thing to miss, but Y/n felt the loss regardless.
Dressed, she opened the bathroom door. The sound signaled that Joel could come in.
He came around the corner, having just put his memories to bed when he saw her. Pruny, barefaced and natural…the way he’d always loved her.
“All yours,” Y/n muttered, unable to break the eye contact they held.
Joel cleared his throat and his mind, “Thanks.”
“I’m just gonna be here,” Y/n gestured to the dresser and the attached mirror, “Try and get a comb through my hair.”
“Okay,” Joel nodded.
He walked past her, their shoulders brushing as he did, and closed the bathroom door behind him. It was the first time they’d touched in twenty years.
Now anger was rarely ever born from just anger. No one hated someone just to hate them. There was always something deeper beneath it. More often than not, anger found a companion in heartbreak. They’d collide, morphing together to make something so complicated, you couldn’t tell one apart from the other.
Y/n reached for a spare comb, her trembling hands causing her hair to catch in the teeth. Harboring the anger had been effortless, it was a fire that stoked itself. It was the pain, the flame that started the blaze, that was causing her to feel like she was burning, from the inside out.
The tears welled in her eyes, she refused to let them fall until her reflection was nothing but a blur. She dropped the comb on the dresser, and fell back onto the bed. It could no longer be contained.
Joel had broken her, destroyed her. The loss of him was a hurt that had refused to fade with time. She could feel her heart splitting back open just being around him, the same way it had the day that they’d parted. She wanted to scream, to cry, to break the way she had after he’d left. With the simple act of calling a truce and playing nice, she had reopened the wound she had spent twenty years trying to heal with her unbridled bitterness. She was bleeding out.
On the other side of the door, Joel was propped up against the shower with one hand. Rivulets of the stream dripped down his hair and face. He stared down at the drain, his emotions mixing and swirling much like the water at his feet. Joel had never considered himself particularly favored by the world. There were only two times when he’d felt like there was some higher power bestowing happiness upon his unworthy head.
The first was when Sarah was born, when he got to hold her for the first time.
The second was when Y/n entered his life.
Now her mere presence felt like a punishment. A reminder of what he’d done to her, a child’s taunt of a love he could never go back to. Knowing she was on the other side of the wall caused every muscle in his body to tense. Joel was still himself, regardless of what the pandemic had turned him into. The guilt he’d long tried to drown was rising to the surface, threatening to rebel and throw him underwater. Mixed with the fresh loss of Tess, he was overwhelmed. If he didn’t keep repeating the same three things to himself, she lied, she’s a liar, she’ll lie again, he would collapse entirely.
Y/n sniffled, rubbing her fingers under her eyes in a desperate attempt to stop her tears. She was so tired of crying over Joel. She wished for blind hatred, not the memory of his smile. Bitter regret, not the ghost of his lips. She couldn’t take another time of looking into his eyes and seeing the man she had loved with her whole heart.
Had they known that with a mere twelve feet of space and one shoddy door between them, it still wouldn’t have changed anything. Their chapter was over.
Needing distance, Y/n got off the bed and combed her hair as she walked down the stairs. She found Ellie seated in the front room at the piano.
Ellie turned to her and smiled, “Well, that’s an improvement.”
Y/n bristled, “Be nice to me. I am keeping you alive, after all.”
Ellie hummed as if that was up for debate and turned back to the piano, “You ever learn to play one of these?”
“A little,” Y/n replied, coming to join her, “I played as a kid, not as much when I was an adult.”
“You wanna play something?” Ellie suggested, it didn’t feel like it was for Y/n’s benefit so much as her own.
Y/n motioned for Ellie to make room and settled in next to the girl. It had been over twenty years since she’d felt ivory beneath her fingers, and this one was a beautiful model. She wracked her brain for songs where all the chords were still intact.
She placed her hands accordingly, pressing down on the first keys.
“Slow down, you crazy child,” she softly sang, “You’re so ambitious for a juvenile. But then if you’re so smart, tell me, why are you still so afraid?”
“You can fucking sing?” Ellie cried excitedly.
“Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about,” Y/n kept going, “You’d better cool it off before you burn it out. You’ve got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.”
Ellie swayed a little, taking in the curiosity of the person she hardly knew, yet liked better than anyone. She couldn’t help herself from sneaking a finger onto a key and quickly pressing down.
“Don’t mess me up,” Y/n laughed as she continued to play, “But you know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want, or you can just get old.”
Joel had just pushed his wet hair back and buttoned up his shirt he’d found. Renewed by the hot water, he grabbed the stick of deodorant he’d used and left the bathroom. The music and it’s sweet accompaniment drifted through the bedroom door, hitting Joel and rendering him breathless for a moment. All he could feel was her, wrapping her arms around him with each word.
Ellie continued to hit random keys at inopportune times, Y/n’s knocked her shoulder against hers.
“You’re gonna kick off before you even get halfway through,” Y/n crooned, her grin causing her to enunciate differently.
Joel quietly made his way down the stairs, feeling his body unnaturally relax with each note Y/n sang. Her voice hadn’t changed at all.
“When will you realize,” Y/n did a little flourish with the keys, leaving Ellie no room to mess with the melody, “Vienna waits for you.”
When she removed her hands, Ellie clapped and whooped. The mood had been so dark since the day of the shootout, it felt like a single ray of light was shining down on them.
Joel watched her sing the last line from the hall, it was like his memories had come to life right in front of him. How hard was it to bury the past when it was everywhere you looked?
Ellie turned around and saw Joel, “Well, don’t you look pretty.”
Y/n rotated on the bench and faced Joel. It was unfair that he seemed to be getting more handsome with age. With his hair slicked back and his plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, it stirred up a singular butterfly in her stomach. She was quick to put it down.
Joel’s eyes flashed to Y/n before catching himself and looking back to Ellie, “Shut up.”
He tossed her the deodorant. “Nice,” she commented, swiping it on before handing it to Y/n. “Hey,” she trailed after Joel, “Did you know Y/n can sing?”
Y/n snorted as she used the antiperspirant. Ellie was the only thing keeping her spirits up on the trip. Everything else hurt, but the young girl’s joy acted as a balm.
Joel went back out to the garage to confirm the battery was charged up. He installed it quickly and headed back into the house. “We’re good to go,” he announced, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.
Ellie and Y/n grabbed their jackets and bags, the three of them filed out of the house in hopeful silence. They shoved their things in the back seat of the truck, leaving one side clutter-free.
“Why don’t you take the front?” Y/n suggested to Ellie, already climbing in the back.
Ellie jumped into the passenger side, a toothy grin spread across her face as she started fiddling with the foldout mirror.
“It’s your first time in a car?” Joel asked from beside her, not the slightest bit amused.
“It’s like a spaceship,” Ellie said wondrously.
“No, it’s like a shit piece of Chevy S10,” Joel grumbled, “But it’ll get us there…I think. Seatbelt.”
Ellie glanced up from playing with the radio dials, confused.
Undeniably in sync with each other, Y/n reached through the gap between Ellie’s seat and the window as Joel reached over the girl and pulled the belt over her body. “Seatbelt,” Joel repeated.
Ellie took it from him and clicked it into place, “So cool…”
Y/n watched from over their shoulders. It wasn’t lost on her how it had taken no time for Joel to start acting like a parent again.
Joel started up the car as Ellie dug through the glove compartment. She held something up to Joel that Y/n couldn’t see.
“Put it back…” Joel directed, “Ellie…”
Ellie ignored him, popping in the cassette tape and hitting play. Soft guitar rang through the truck’s speaker system. Ellie was about to skip the song when Joel and Y/n piped up at the same time.
“No, no, wait-“
“No, leave it.”
Their words collided, surprising them both. It was the first thing they’d agreed on.
“This is good,” Joel said as he made a turn, “This is Linda Ronstadt. Do you know who Linda Ronstadt is?”
“You know I don’t know who Linda Ronstadt is,” Ellie rolled her eyes.
Y/n smirked from the back seat before the nostalgia washed over her again. The song had been a favorite of hers for decades, but there was one night in particular she distinctly remembered playing it on.
Joel drove down the path that led to the gate, letting the song fill the cracks of him left by all the beauty disappearing from the world. There was still a musician living inside him. “Oh, man…” he muttered.
In the rear view mirror, Y/n and Joel’s eyes flickered to one another. The second their gazes connected, they diverted them back to the road. In their minds, they were back in Y/n’s shitty apartment, leaving for their first date.
“Eh,” Ellie remarked, “It’s better than nothing.”
Y/n couldn’t contain the chuckle that bubbled from her lips, nor could Joel hide his flash of a smile. She was going to make them both feel ancient before their journey was over.
Joel pressed the gate code on the remote Bill had left in the garage, the gate opening for them like the parting of the Red Sea. Even he, in all his jadedness, felt some sort of hope.
Y/n settled against the window, taking one last look at the town Bill and Frank had kept up over the years. Their legacy was one not of sadness, but of renewal. They had supplied her, Joel and Ellie with the resources to go forward with their journey. They were helping them in their mission to change the world. It was a kindness she’d never get to thank them for, but she’d certainly never forget.
They drove into the sunset, golden hour embracing them and welcoming them onto the open road. Maybe, just maybe, this was the turning point for them…
————
A/N: Just an FYI, we hit the 50 mentions limit so the taglist will be split between the post and the comments :)
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