𝒹𝑜𝑒 𝑒𝓎𝑒𝓈 | heeseung

Synopsis: telling the truth is scary, but it’s even scarier when nobody can lie to the boy you like | you steal glances at him like everyone else, but what if you knew he looks back?

Word Count: 9k

Genre: fluff, minor angst, just two lovesick teens | high school au

Pairing: Non-Idol!Heeseung x Fem!reader

Warnings: slight cursing, mentions of food

Playlist: doe eyes

-

-

-

“It must be lonely.” you always thought. Whenever you see him pass you by in the halls, past you to get to his seat, to get his lunch, or even on his way home, he is never with anyone else. Everyone avoids him and you couldn’t help but feel immense guilt that you’re a part of  “everyone”. Since you were kids, it was already established it would be best no one goes near him “just in case”. Still, you couldn’t help but wonder if he had gotten used to it by now. Everyone’s eyes are always on him, but looking away whenever he looks back. You wondered if he felt creeped out or saddened by that. Or if he even knew. Of course he did, and it was tough to have to learn quickly as a child that you would walk this earth all by yourself. But he did and he’s managed to get this far, even if it still sometimes pops up in his mind. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it and pretend it didn’t bother him, it made him upset deep down to know that things were never going to change.

“You’re staring again.” your friend, Sieun, says as she looks between you and Heeseung. You snap out of your thoughts and turn your head back to her as you finish grabbing things from your locker. “You need to be more careful, if he even looks back at you-”

“Everyone always makes it seem like he has the power to turn you to stone,” you close your locker, shoving the last item you grabbed into your bag, “he just makes people tell the truth.” you say as you zip up your bag and sling it over your shoulder.

“That’s dangerous!” she exclaims, quietly, while leaning closer to you as if she is trying to tell you something nobody else should hear. “Some things are better kept as secrets. Imagine trying to just talk to him and bam! you end up telling him you murdered like, three people last night.” she protests, leaning back and crossing her arms.

You raise an eyebrow.

“Is that really the best example you could come up with? Wouldn’t it be better if someone actually did confess to that?”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“That’s not the point. He doesn’t need to know everyone’s business, so it’s best to just stay away.”

She links her arm with yours, glancing at him before urging you to start walking with her towards your class together. 

It had been like that for as long as you can remember, nobody being able to give you a reasonable explanation as to why you should stay away from him. It never made sense, especially since just being within close proximity of him doesn’t cause you to tell the truth, looking him in the eyes does. You don’t know what they look like, and to be honest, you barely know what he even looks like. You look back at him as you and Sieun walk away. He’s at his locker, reading something with his earbuds in, as usual. You felt your hands squeeze into fists as you lightly sighed. Despite never having an actual conversation with him or knowing anything about him whatsoever, he fascinated you. His head began to shift upward and you quickly looked back ahead of you. 

He looked up, not looking for anyone or at anyone in particular. Who would it have been, anyway? Nobody knew him–personally–and he knew nobody. His eyes shifted around until they landed on you, as you were walking away. That was a lie, he does know one person. 

“Do you think his parents look him in the eyes?” Sieun suddenly asks, sick of the silence between you two, despite the loud chatter from the others around you.

You sigh, “Why would you even ask something like that?”

She shrugs her shoulders, turning her head to look at you.

“How did they find out?” she asks, as if you had any of the answers.

You look back at her as she turns to look ahead of her again.

“How am I supposed to know that? All I know is that somebody knew and just told everyone else.”

You looked ahead as well, nearing your classroom.

“I wonder how it happened.” she mumbles to herself, genuinely wanting an answer, but knowing nobody has one.

You open the door to the classroom, letting her go in first as you follow, closing the door behind you. You both made your way to your seats, taking them before getting things out of your bag.

“Don’t you feel bad for him, though?” you suddenly asked.

Sieun shrugs, zipping up her bag after gathering her things onto her desk.

“It’s hard to feel bad for him, he’s also not making an effort to talk to anybody.”

You place your things on your desk before looking at her.

“It’s kind of hard to bond with people after they’ve been told to avoid you like you’re some sort of disease.”

You lowered your voice a little as the door opened, Heeseung walking through. The classroom went silent as he made his way to his seat, all the way on the back corner of the class. Kids mumbled to one another before going back to whatever they were originally talking about. The classroom was separated, everyone on one side and him by himself. Even the desks were separated far enough from his, kind of cramping the students close together, but no one seemed to mind. Sieun looked away from him, but you continued to stare. You wanted to work up the nerve to talk to him, but it was hard. What if he actually didn’t want anyone to bother him? You would rather he never knew you existed than hate you.

“You’re staring…again.” she says as she opens her book to the right page.

You look away and face forward in your seat, doing the same as she was before the bell rang.

Heeseung looked up, hesitantly glancing over at you. You two had been in the same class since middle school, but have been going to the same schools since you were kids. Of course he knew who you were, you were the only one who wasn’t afraid to even be near him and he may have heard you a few times when you would defend him when other kids were saying something bad about him. He wanted to talk to you, badly, but he wasn’t sure if you were secretly like everyone else: afraid. The teacher walked in and he looked away, not noticing his lips forming a small smile at the thought of you, at the thought of even talking to you. It was stupid, and he knew it was impossible, for you to even remotely think of him like that, but at some point he found every inch of his body hoping you felt the same way about him that he felt about you.

-

“Are you seriously staring at him again?” Sieun asks, clearly annoyed that you weren’t paying attention to her.

You look away from Heeseung, as he sat at his usual table by himself, doing his homework with his earbuds in. 

“I just feel so bad.” you mumble as you push some of your food around on your tray.

Sieun groans for an exaggerated amount of time, it only getting louder as she suddenly stomps her feet on the ground out of annoyance. People stare as you set down your utensils and motion your hands to try and get her to stop as you tell her to shush. She does, looking at you like she is fed up. She is, of course. Everyday, you always talk about how badly you feel for him and yet you do nothing about it. Although the topic of discussion for everyone is about him sixty percent of the time, she was genuinely getting tired about how much you seemed to actually be bothered by his loneliness, maybe even more than he was.

“If you want to go and fill your savior complex, by all means, go and sit with him.” she seethes, letting out a huff as she grabs some food before eating it.

You glance back over at Heeseung. The sunlight from the window that was next to his table shone on him, making it seem as though he was glowing. He looked angelic and you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach. He’s just sitting there, but he’s always managed to be the most perfect person in your eyes. You stand up, placing your hands on the table, Sieun looks up at you with her mouth full of food.

“Okay, I’ll go and sit with him.” 

She starts coughing, slightly choking on her food. She hits her chest a few times, finally being able to swallow the food. 

“What? Wait, are you actually-”

You cut her off by walking over to him. Your steps seemed way more sure of themselves when you were further from his table. You slowly started to hesitate, anxiety starting to shoot through your body as you inched closer to him. You finally managed to just barely make it to his table, ever so slowly taking a seat across from him. The lunchroom fell silent as you were taking your seat and you swore, people could hear your bones creaking if they were to actually do so. Total silence, total utter silence once you managed to finally sit. He hadn’t noticed, he’s too busy finishing up his homework to even see that the girl he has been wanting to talk to for ages just sat in front of him. You were unsure of what to do. Should you interrupt him? Or should you run away and hide from embarrassment because it was starting to look like he was intentionally ignoring you? …was he intentionally ignoring you? You decided not to find out, and filled with regret, you stood up quicker than you sat down. Standing up, however, caused you to bump into the table, shaking it a bit. You froze, you felt your muscles tense up so badly that if someone came up to you and poked you, you would break into a million pieces. He froze too, not wanting to look up and accidentally make eye contact with the person who was standing in front of him. The situation seemed to have gotten worse for you, as you both were frozen and the silence in the room seemed to become more deafening. 

“Get. Back. Over. Here!” You heard Sieun whisper shout and although she was trying to have only you hear it, everyone else did as well.

You mentally agree with her, but just as you were going to walk back over to her, back to the safety of your familiar table, he looks up. Even he isn’t fully sure as to why he looks up, considering he rarely ever does, but he does anyway. His head up turns slowly, his heartbeat fastening as his eyes scan your standing figure in front of him. In the back of your mind, you know why you continue to stand there, because you desperately want to see him. Your hand grips the end of your skirt, nervous as his eyes finally meet yours. You gasped lightly and he felt his heart practically burst in his chest. He’s seen you from afar, but upclose, he couldn’t have imagined you to be any more beautiful than you are standing in front of him. You on the other hand, you couldn’t stop looking at his eyes. He was captivating, absolutely captivating. There he was, looking at you, and you couldn’t help but feel like you had just made eye contact with the love of your life.

“Beautiful.” you said, louder than you had wanted. It was like his eyes held power over you, squeezing you to say exactly what was on your mind and they wouldn’t stop until you’ve done what they wanted. It didn’t feel evil or forced, it felt like you were secure and just wanted to pour your heart out, letting go of every single burden you kept locked up deep inside.

Chuckles begin to scatter across the lunchroom, making you look away from him. Your head began to spin a little, as if you had just been woken up from a deep sleep. You looked around to see everyone staring at you and already talking about what you had said. Embarrassment begins to set in as your face becomes hot, making you walk away–quicker than you would have if you initially left–over to grab your bag before jogging out of the lunchroom. Sieun stands up to follow you, taking one last bite of her food before grabbing her bag and rushing off after you. Heeseung sat there. Even though he may not have heard you actually call him beautiful aloud, he heard you in his head. That’s just how it works for him, he could never just not know what secret someone has to say no matter how hard he would try not to listen because in the end, the secrets would play in his head as you say them. But this one, this one he didn’t mind one bit. You called him beautiful. He wanted to stop you before you could leave, but you did before he had the chance. “Beautiful.” he replayed your words over and over in his mind. He’s had people confess many things to him before, but no one has ever told him he is beautiful. If you hadn’t left so quickly, he was sure he would have said the same thing to you.

-

“It wasn’t as bad as you think.” Sieun says, trying to reassure you. You grip your hair harder as you groan. “It’s honestly even weirder for you to be sitting on the curb, practically curled up into a ball.” she says, trying her best to comfort you, but failing miserably.

You look up, with a clear expression that what she was saying was not helping despite her efforts. She sighs as she takes a seat beside you. 

“I should have known better.” you mumbled, the moment playing over and over in your head.

“Yeah, you should have.” Sieun agrees. You look at her, glaring and she looks back at you. “What?” she asks defensively, “I told you not to go over to him, but you did anyway and look what happened, you said quite possibly the most random thing ever to someone you have never spoken to.”

You groaned again as your head fell back down into your lap. Sieun pats your shoulder, but stops, grabbing your shoulders in order to make you look at her.

“What.” you say rather than ask, simply just wanting to be left alone so you can be swallowed whole by the ground.

“What was it like?” she asks, a sparkle in her eye as if you came back from a treacherous journey that bestowed all of the most powerful secrets into your knowledge. 

“Looking him in the eyes?” you ask, wanting her to clarify.

She nods her head, letting go of your shoulders. You look away from her, sighing as you picture his eyes in your head. 

“They’re beautiful.” you say as if you’re in a trance, again.  “He’s perfect.”

“My gosh, you’re actually that into him?” she asks, pulling you out of your daze once again.

You look back at her and sigh. 

“I don’t know how to explain it, but looking at him–looking into his eyes–I just felt…I just felt like I was meant to meet him.”

“I’m not asking about how badly you have it for him, I’m asking what it was like to have him force the truth out of you.”

You roll your eyes, looking at her.

“It didn’t feel forced, it just felt natural. Like, whatever was on my mind was meant to be shared.”

Sieun pouts and cups her face in her hands, resting her elbows on her knees.

“I should really ask someone who isn’t in love with him what it’s actually like.”

“Then do it yourself.” you suggest.

She scoffs and shakes her head.

“I might end up saying something super personal, I’m not risking it just because I want to find out.”

You felt your heart sink a little.

“Isn’t that sad?” you ask, even though you and Sieun were talking, your question wasn’t directed to anyone in particular, maybe you more than anyone.

“What?” she asks.

You continue to look ahead at the people and cars passing by, but Sieun turns to look at you.

“The fact that no one talks to him because they’re too afraid to say something they don’t want to.”

Sieun looks away from you and stretches her legs out in front of her, looking at her shoes.

“It seems reasonable, to be honest. You already have to live with the secrets you want to keep, but possibly exposing them just to talk to someone? It doesn’t seem worth it.”

“But you can still talk to him without looking each other in the eyes.”

“Wouldn’t that be worse? Wouldn’t you rather not talk to anyone all together compared to never looking at them. I feel like that would just be even more awkward.”

You both sit there in silence for a moment, just listening to tires rolling across the street and the calamity of footsteps from people walking passed mixed with their voices from many conversations. Both options seem equally as bad and you sigh as you do the same as Sieun, stretching out your legs in front of you.

“I think I’d still rather talk to him.”

“Well,” she says, scooting a little closer to you as she rests her head on your shoulder, “it seems like you’re going to have to talk to him anyway, tomorrow.”

You groan, looking down at your hands in your lap. You pick at the corners of your fingers, biting the inside of your cheek.

“I think I’d rather have one of these cars run me over.”

-

“Mom, I’m home.” Heeseung announces as he walks into his house.

He slips off his shoes and puts on his slippers, the sound of footsteps approaching him at the entrance. He looks up and smiles, his mom approaching him before opening her arms for a hug. He steps over to her, accepting her hug and tightly wrapping his arms around her. She does the same, squeezing him before pulling back a little to cup his face in her hands. 

“My handsome son, how was your day at school?” she says, using one of her hands to stroke the side of his head before placing it back on his cheek.

He smiles sadly, she always says this, but he can never be sure whether or not she’s telling the truth. She’s the only person who can lie to him while looking him in the eyes because she technically can’t look him in the eyes. And even though he would never admit it to her, he feels immense amounts of guilt whenever he looks her in the eyes, because he took that away from her.

“The same as usual.” he says, trying not to sound like it bothers him.

She frowns.

“They’re all still avoiding you?” she asks in the type of tone that makes you want to just hug her and cry. He smiles, sadly, a small part of him comforted by the fact that she can’t see it.

“Not everyone.” he says, glancing over to see her white cane leaning against the wall. He tuts, glancing back at her before walking over to grab it. “You can’t just keep leaving this here.” he says, walking back over to her and gently placing it in her hand.

“I can walk just fine without it.” she declares.

He reaches out to hold the hand he put the cane in. His fingers slowly wrap around hers and the cane, him rubbing his thumb on the back of it. She smiles, comforted by the feeling.

“Just promise me you’ll at least try.” he says softly.

She smiles, turning to face him from the direction his voice is coming from before nodding her head.

“I’ll try.” she promises.

-

You slowed down your pace as you made your way into the slightly warmer grocery store, letting out a stifled sigh, releasing the cold air you had just inhaled on your walk over. There was no need to scan the signs for a specific aisle to find what you were looking for, you already knew where to find what you wanted. As you made your way slowly throughout the store going to the section where they had the drinks, you basked in the calmness that the store emitted. There weren’t many people there and the beeps at the register along with people talking every now and then felt somewhat comforting. You walked down the drink section, a short one but it still had many options to choose from, your attention fully on the selection as you continued to be in autopilot mode. You mindlessly reached for the drink you wanted when suddenly another hand went for the same drink as you. You stood there for a second, coming back to reality as you realized your fingertips were touching someone else’s. As if you both were sharing the same brain, you both pulled your hands back from the drink at the same time.

“Sorry.” is all the person said. 

You weren’t really in the mood to be interacting with others, let alone now having to discuss who was going to take the drink, so you just nodded your head and grabbed the drink, your hands slowly starting to become cold from it. You were about to walk away without another word when you had finally turned to see the person next to you was none other than Heeseung. You stopped, now regretting your rude behavior and cursing at yourself in your head for two reasons. The first: you acting like a jerk in front of him and the second: you having to see him after your encounter earlier today. 

Heeseung stands there in the silence created by you two with the low humming of the refrigerators at least filling up some of the empty space. He was confused why the other person wasn’t talking, let alone took the drink, the only thing–might he add–that his mom asks for him to get at the store, without even asking if he wanted it. Feeling annoyed, he looks at the person, not caring if they wanted to say something embarrassing or not (he feels they deserve it now). But his ill intentions come to a halt when he realizes it’s you. He looked away from you as quickly as he could in order to prevent you from getting upset with him looking in your eyes.

“Oh…hey.” he says, just in case you might have thought that he didn’t want to see you when he in fact had been praying up until this moment to get another chance to talk to you.

What were you supposed to say first? A “hey” back or “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable with my completely random and creepy comment I made about you earlier”? You weren’t sure, but luckily your brain led with a “hey” back as the winning contender.

“Hey…” you say, dragging out the ‘y’, trying to decide whether you saying anything in the first place was the right thing to do.

“So…um…” Heeseung starts.

He has no idea where to take this conversation. All the confidence he had in himself earlier diminished when he actually realized you were standing in front of him. He didn’t want to make you feel uneasy, but he really has no clue how to handle this situation, especially this type of situation with the girl he is practically head-over-heels for. He has been looking down at his feet from the moment he said “hey” and saw you extend the arm with the drink in your hand enough for him to see it.

“Did you want it? I can always just pick another one.” You say, not totally wanting to pick another one, but it felt like he might leave faster if you gave it to him (you felt it would be worse if you were the first one to leave after already trying to ignore him).

He reached for the drink, not fully processing his actions just yet, his hand meeting yours onto the cold bottle. His fingertips once again lightly come into contact with yours and it feels like electricity sparks between the two of you; he feels giddy at the sudden contact with you. He clears his throat, removing his hand from the bottle and looks up (to the side) rubbing the back of his neck with the same hand that just touched yours. 

“Uh, no-” he stops, his mom always asks for this drink and he really doesn’t want to make her sad. “Actually,” he says, “would it be alright if I did have it?” His eyes shift towards you, as if your presence is a magnet forcing all of his attention to be on you, but he stops himself despite how much he wants to look at you.

“Oh,” you say, trying to hide the evident disappointment in your voice, “sure, I did offer for you to take it after all.”

He takes it from your hand, and places it into the basket full of groceries he was currently holding in the other.

“Are you here for dinner?” he asks, desperately wanting to keep the conversation going, regardless of the rocky start.

“Yeah, my parents sometimes let me get something from here for dinner if they aren’t home.”

He nods his head, wanting to ask so many things, but not sure if you would want to answer any of them.

“Are you making dinner?” you ask.

“Oh, my dad is. My mom wanted something specific, so I’m just getting the groceries.” he says. “The drink is for her, actually. She usually asks for it whenever I go to the store.”

You nod your head, feeling worse for almost taking it. You look at him for a bit, a part of you wanting him to look at you again. Mixed in with the feeling of safety his gaze bestowed upon you, there was a hint of adoration and now that you’ve had a taste of it, you really wanted him to look at you again.

“Do you need help? With taking the groceries home, I mean.” you ask him.

This question catches him off guard. He looks at you, his breath caught in his throat when he looks at you. 

“I’m sorry.” you say as you look into his eyes, his gorgeous doe eyes.

“For what?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

In this moment, he normally would look away to prevent the person from sharing anything more, but it felt as though your eyes were doing what his do to others. He wanted to know more, he wanted to look at you more, he wanted to bask in your gaze for just a moment longer.

“For saying what I said earlier, it was probably creepy.” you say, your face scrunching slightly at the thought of the moment.

He smiled, he smiled like a complete lovesick fool at your expression.

“I liked it.” he admits.

Your eyes go wide and as a result, his smile grows wider in return.

“You…what?” you asked, not sure if you were just hearing things or if this was a sign of you having a stroke and you were actually talking to air.

“I liked hearing you call me beautiful.” he simply stated, feeling an immense amount of relief and confidence washing over his body. “Nobody has ever said that to me before.”

“I meant it.”

His smile becomes smaller, as his ears turn a light shade of red. His expressions weren’t able to keep secrets as well because the way he looked at you was with nothing but love.

“I know.”

-

“Oh good, you’re finally home!” Heeseung’s dad announces from the kitchen.

Heeseung smiles at him as you follow in shortly after. His dad’s smile falls into nothing but an open mouth when he realizes his son had brought someone home. That someone also being none other than a girl. 

“Hi.” you say, trying to make a decent first impression.

“Hi!” he says a little too enthusiastically back.

Heeseung’s eyes widened at his dad saying ‘please don’t embarrass me’ and his dad nodded his head discreetly, getting the message. “Hi.” he says again, extending his hand as you and Heeseung set down the bag of groceries. 

You let out a short chuckle, shaking his hand while introducing yourself. You hesitate to look him in the eyes and he lets out an understanding sigh.

“Don’t worry, it’s only Heeseung.” he says quietly enough in hopes that his son won’t hear him.

“Is Heeseung home?” his mom asks over a tapping sound as she makes her way to the kitchen.

“Yes,” his dad says while making his way past you and Heeseung over to his wife, “and he brought a guest.” he whispers into her ear before kissing her cheek and smiling at her.

You look down, realizing the tapping was coming from a white cane and you look back at her to realize something else: she’s blind. She looks up at him and hits the side of his leg lightly with the cane.

“Really?” she whispers back with excitement.

“And it’s a girl.”

She gasps and looks forward at you, as though she senses your presence.

“Dad.” Heeseung whispers sternly, but his dad only shrugs his shoulders with a sheepish smile plastered on his face.

His mom makes her way over to you and you walk over to her to make it easier. She holds the cane to sit between her arm and the side of her ribcage as she extends her hand to shake yours. You take her hand in yours, a little surprised at how much smaller it is compared to yours and she smiles brightly.

“I can tell she’s pretty.” she says, making Heeseung embarrassed.

“Mom-” 

She waves her other hand at him to quiet him and his dad lets out a small laugh.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” she says with the utmost sincerity.

“It’s really nice to meet you too.” you say, with the same feeling.

“She’s telling the truth,” she says as she turns her head towards Heeseung and her husband, she turns back to look at you, “I can tell.”

-

“Have you two been friends for long?” Heeseung’s mom asks as she takes a seat, but not before giving you a plate she had already made for you.

“Oh, no, not very long.” you say as you and Heeseung exchange a quick glance. “But we have been going to school with each other since we were kids.” you added, getting an approving nod from his dad and a proud smile from his mom.

Heeseung blushes a little, feeling his heart swell from the fact that you even have acknowledged his presence since you were kids.

“I’ve wanted to get to know him for a long time.” you say all on your own, being one hundred percent honest.

Heeseung looks at you and you look back at him smiling, “I guess I’ve just been shy.” you say more to him than to his parents.

He looks away and down at his food, feeling as though if you keep making him blush, he is not going to be able to ignore the growing urge to kiss you.

“But people have told you to stay away.” his mom says, not intending to sound as upset by the fact than she comes across. She doesn’t blame you, she thinks you seem fine, but it breaks her heart knowing her son has been alone for so long.

“Honey-” his dad says, reaching to touch her arm, but notices some food on the corner of her mouth. His mouth forms a small smile as he wipes it away with his thumb, causing her to smile in return. He reaches and grabs her hand before kissing her knuckles. She lets out a sigh.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be upset with you, I’m just glad he has a friend now.” she says, smiling at you. You return the smile and she lets out a happy hum as if she can see you smiling back at her. 

-

If you were able to receive ten cents every time you had Heeseung walk you to the bus stop, you would have ten cents right now. His mom insisted (maybe borderline forced) Heeseung to take you to the bus stop for your “safety” (she really is just his wingman and could tell he liked you and you liked him, but mainly because she and her husband would make comments about the two of you being like a younger version of them). 

“Thank you, again, for dinner. You really didn’t have to let me stay.”

Heeseung shyly chuckles.

“Of course we did, you helped with the groceries.”

“I owed you at least that.”

He shakes his head and shoves his hands deeper into his jacket pockets.

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed about it, you know.”

You cringe to yourself.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

You both laugh and fall into a comfortable silence, the sunset from earlier had turned into the dark night sky with stars scattered here and there. The street lamps were now lit and a few, if any, cars passed by on the street. Some stores were closed and others were still open, adding extra light from inside and from their signs. Heeseung turned to look at you, to see how radiant you are, even at night.

“Do you mind if I ask something?” you ask, causing him to snap out of his daydream.

“Yeah, what is it?” he replies, looking ahead again while hoping you didn’t catch him staring.

You stop walking, thinking somehow that would help you muster up the courage to ask the question you wanted the answer to. He stopped as well, worried he freaked you out and you regretted ever talking to him, he didn’t look at you though, he didn’t want to scare you more.

“How are you able to make people tell the truth?”

Normally, he would roll his eyes at this question and feel annoyed. He hated this question more than anything in the world. More than feeling like a constant outcast. More than hearing people stop talking whenever he enters the room. More than looking at his mom and feeling mass amounts of guilt whenever he sees her struggle. For you, however, he didn’t mind you asking. He knew you had no ill intentions behind it and genuinely wanted to know. Hell, maybe you would even consider becoming his friend if he explained what he knew to you. So, he turned around to face you, looking at your forehead, not your eyes, mainly so he wouldn’t have to hear any comments you have to say about what he is going to explain. Not because he had a problem with answering your questions, he was just scared there was a slim chance you would judge him and say you never wanted to speak to him again.

“I don’t know much, nothing like a complete origin story or anything like that. All I know is that one member of my family, for generations, has had the same ability as I do. The most recent one aside from me was my mom…” he trails off.

You stand there, maybe a little more confused than you were before.

“I don’t mean to come across as insensitive,” you say, “but isn’t your mom blind?”

He looks down at his feet, biting the inside of his cheek before letting out a sigh. He nods his head and looks back up.

“Yes…because of me.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

He refuses to look at you, especially with what he is about to say next. What if you call him heartless? A monster? A mistake? If not looking at you means that he wouldn’t have to hear something like that coming from you in regards to him, he’ll take that any day, even if it meant ignoring you for the rest of his life. He would rather die with just remembering you calling him beautiful than looking at him with disgust.

“The first child of a person with this ability automatically passes the ability to them. The catch is, they don’t get to keep their vision, they lose it. No matter if the person who originally had the ability is able to actually give birth to the child themselves, they lose their vision once that child is born.”

You stand there, unable to process how something like this is even possible in the first place.

“So when you were born, your mom became blind?”

He nods his head, feeling the guilt already wash over him again.

“That must be such a hard thing to live with.” you say, sympathetically.

He fights the urge to look at you, to find out if you are saying what you really mean or if you are just being nice before you ignore him forever.

“Sometimes…I feel like my dad avoids my gaze because he blames me for it.” he admits.

You shake your head.

“It doesn’t seem like your father resents you for it, I don’t think your mom feels the same way.”

“You’ve only met them once.” he says, not meaning to sound harsh.

“I know,” you say gently, “but I guess all I can say is that I’m sorry you’ve felt so alone for all this time. People have blamed you constantly for something you can’t control and I’m sorry that you’ve had to live not only with this guilt, but with the knowing that others resent you for it. Nobody deserves that, especially not you.”

He looks at you, tears beginning to brim his eyes. No one has ever said anything like this to him before. He’s never told anyone these thoughts, not even his parents. But you managed to say everything he had been longing to hear. Could you be any more perfect? 

You felt a new feeling run throughout your body as he looked at you this time, it felt like you could feel his heart beating with yours, and it was beating fast. You became overwhelmed with the feeling of love, him looking at you and you looking at him, it felt like nothing else existed. It felt like destiny.

“I love you.” you blurt out.

Shit. 

Shit…

Shit.

Although you hate to say it (mainly because it rarely happens and today it happened twice), Sieun was right. She was so right. Looking him in the eyes is dangerous. Somehow, you had managed to one-up the embarrassing moment from earlier and never in your life had you started praying so quickly that the floor would swallow you whole more than you did in this moment. Who were you to say that? Quite literally, you had never spoken to him before today, and you just said you love him? Are you crazy? Does he think you’re crazy? You would agree, but you would hate if he thought the same thing as you…Shit.

Heeseung is stunned. That might be a little too generic to describe how he feels at this very moment. He is absolutely, without a doubt, one thousand percent gobsmacked. Are you being serious? Of course you’re being serious, you’re looking him in the eyes, what a stupid question. What is he supposed to say? Of course he wants to say it back, of course he wants to cup your face and kiss your lips that he sometimes stares at instead of your eyes, of course he wanted to become your boyfriend and learn anything and everything about you while going on dates and of course he wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms as he whispered the exact words you just said to him…but he can’t. Never in his life did he think he could never tell you how he felt, especially when you quite literally had just said what he had been dying for you to say, but he can’t. He could never live with himself by making you go through what his parents have to go through. Live with a child that is ignored and hated like him, live with him being blind and that he can never see you or his child grow up, live with the fact that you’ll have to work for the both of you. He could never do that to you. He could never live with himself for being so selfish. The mere thought of you–the only person who gave him an ounce of care and attention, the person he has increasingly adored over the years, the person he fell in love with–resenting him because of the burdens he would cause for you, it made him physically want to vomit.

“I…”

Crap…he can’t break your heart either. This is a lose-lose situation and damn, was he losing. Yes, he was also winning because it was you, you for crying out loud saying you are in love with him. He has to handle this delicately. No, he should just say it and then leave. No, that’s morbid…Shit.

“I don’t love you.” he says, somehow looking you in the eyes.

Big fucking mistake. He could see everything in your expression shift. He could see everything in your face fall and he could see that your eyes were becoming glossy as the tears forming stung them. He so badly wanted to say he is lying, tell you everything he is thinking and have you reassure him again, but that’s just the problem. This relationship would be you constantly reassuring him and he can’t let you live like that. He wants, no, needs for you to be happy and he knows better than anyone that you wouldn’t be happy with him. So as much as it breaks his heart to see that he just shattered yours, he knows (so far deep fucking down) that this is the right thing to do.

Well…this probably couldn’t have gone any worse than you had imagined. This is quite literally the darkest timeline, the worst possible outcome. And damn, did him rejecting you hurt. What are you supposed to do now? Sieun was right (for the third time now), speaking to him was probably the biggest mistake you could have ever made. All you could feel right now was a painful amount of sadness. Your body felt numb and you thought, once again, you were going to have a stroke. You felt embarrassed and hurt and as you blinked, so many tears began to stream down your cheeks which only seemed to result in you becoming angry. Angry that he now is watching you cry as he stands there, not in love with you, but you are so madly in love with him. You look at him, for what feels like the last time, in the eyes and he doesn’t look away, like he wants you to say everything you’re thinking. Like he wants to know how badly he has broken your heart.

“I should have listened. I should have never talked to you.”

You didn’t care about what he had to say in return and you didn’t care about what you had just said to him, you were hurt and you took it out on him, sticking it where you know it hurts the most. Evil, maybe, but as you walked away from him, leaving for the bus stop to go home, you couldn’t care any less.

-

“Why are you so quiet this morning?” Sieun asks as you grab the things from your locker, nearly completely emotionless.

“You were right.” you mumble, the words feeling as though they leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Her eyes widen, peaking her interest, she leans closer to you with a smirk.

“Oh really? About what?” she asks smugly. You slam your locker door that she is right next to, causing her to jump back a little. “Ow! Did you not see me or something?” she asks, a little annoyed by what you just did.

“I should have never talked to him, you were right.” you say, biting your bottom lip to stop from crying as you zipped up your bag and put it on.

You had already spent the whole rest of the walk to the bus stop crying, the ride home crying, and the rest of the night crying before you fell asleep. Sure, you barely knew him, but somehow, someway, you fell in love with him and it hurt that the realization that he never fell in love with you came crashing down.

“What happened? Did you already talk to him about yesterday?” she asks, no longer being smug, but now being worried about just how distraught you seem to be about this whole thing.

“Yes. And like an idiot, when I looked him in the eyes, I told him I love him.”

She gasps loudly, loud enough to cause some students to look at you as you pass by them on your way to class.

“You told him you love him? What did he say?”

“What do you think?” you say, trying not to think about it.

“I’m sorry, I know you’ve had a crush on him for a long time.”

“It’s like he didn’t even care.” you say as you two walk into the classroom, towards your seats.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought maybe he at least liked me back, but he just looked at me and told me he doesn’t love me back and while I was standing there, crying, he just said nothing.”

“Not surprising since he probably lacks empathy due to the lack of human interaction.” she mumbles, becoming angry with him. 

You had spent so much of your time talking about him and looking at him and defending him that it would be weird for Sieun not to feel annoyed at him. You’re her best friend and quite literally the only person who stuck up for him and he was going to treat you like that? Over her dead body. She isn’t unreasonable, she isn’t saying he has to love you back, but he doesn’t have to be so heartless about it. That jerk.

Heeseung walks into the classroom and the class falls quiet until he takes his seat. He doesn’t look at you. He can’t. He knows how much you now hate him after what you had said to him last night, you were the last person he thought would say that to him, but you did. He knows how badly he hurt you and the fact that he couldn’t make you feel better is something he despises. He does, however, feel eyes on him, but not like normal. No, these eyes feel filled with hate. He looks over and sees Sieun looking at him. By his mistake, he looks her in the eyes.

“Asshole.” she says out loud.

She looks away, feeling a little dizzy after, but satisfied (and relieved) that that is what she chose to say after looking him in the eyes. She got her answer now. She now knows what it feels like to look him in the eyes. Now she has a new question she wants the answer to: how would her fist feel punching his face?

-

“Hey, Heeseung.” Sieun calls out to him in the hall.

She had left you in the classroom because you had fallen asleep during the lesson, so she just decided to let you sleep during the break. 

He stops, partly afraid to turn around, but then decides it might be best to just continue walking away. So, he does, with the plan to ignore her. 

This only pisses her off more. How rude is this guy? Maybe there are more reasons why people choose to ignore him.

“Hey, asshole! Should I refer to you as only that from now on?”

He stops, knowing there is no escape from this conversation.

“Sieun-”

She cuts him off by turning him around, making both herself and him look each other in the eyes.

“Now, I had made a vow to myself to never look into your eyes, but you need to know that I am being serious with what I am about to say, so listen up you supernatural freak. My friend, she is one of the sweetest people that I know and when she cares about someone, she cares about them with all of her heart. For years she has felt bad for the way people treated you and has been the only one to actually do something about it, she did what no one else would do and that is talk to you. She likes you, a lot, and I’m not saying you have to like her back, but you should at least have the decency to not be a complete jerk about it. You broke her heart, do you even care? You broke the heart of the one person who actually cares about you, congratulations. Do you feel proud?” she says, fury in her eyes.

“I love her too.”

Sieun is taken aback. What is this guy’s problem? She scoffs and lets go of his arms, crossing her own.

“Yeah, right. Then why did you tell her you don’t?” He looks away, he isn’t about to tell her his thought process, she wouldn’t understand, the only person who might–if she still even cares about him–is you. “Whatever your dumb reason is, talk to her, hey–look at me.” He does. “I’m serious, talk to her.”

-

Oddly, Sieun told you she couldn’t walk to the bus stop with you, she said she had to talk to one of her teachers. Since when does Sieun do that? It doesn’t matter, you were left alone, alone with your thoughts and the memories of yesterday clouding your mind.

“Hey.” you heard a now all-too-familiar voice call out.

You stop, feeling your heartbeat quicken as you hear his footsteps approaching. Just the thought of being near him made your heart skip a beat, but you needed to forget all of that now.

“What.” you say flatly. “I have to get home, the bus isn’t going to wait forever.” you say as you already start to walk away.

“I love you.”

You stop again. You turn around meeting his eyes. His beautiful, kind, doe eyes. The eyes, no matter how much resentment you have tried to build towards him, you love.

“You don’t need to lie.” you say.

“I’m not.”

“How would I know? I don’t have the ability you do.”

“You should be grateful for that.” he tries to joke, but it doesn’t work.

How can he make this better? He should have just told you how he feels last night, but he didn’t and he is regretting it even more.

“Am I a joke to you?” you ask in response to his attempt to lighten the situation.

He shakes his head as he steps closer to you.

“I could never think of you as such, I really do love you. So much.”

He notices your eyes beginning to well up with tears and he remembers how you looked last night. His heart breaks at the sight and he takes one of his hands to cup your cheek. He rubs his thumb gently back and forth along your skin, both of you basking in each others’ touch. Every connection with you feels like a shared electricity current. There was no doubt about it, he is irrevocably in love with you.

“Then why did you tell me you don’t?”

He sighs, ready to pour his heart out to you (and ready for you to probably call him an idiot).

“I just…I really did. Believe me, all I really hoped for was for you to feel the same way I do and for you to want to get to know me as much as I want to get to know you, but when you said the words I had been longing to hear, I just couldn’t say them back. I thought about how our relationship would be like my parents and although they love each other, they have to deal with so many burdens and I just couldn’t stand the thought of putting you through any of that. Although we don’t know too much about each other, after all these years, talking to you and looking at you, I feel like I’m meant to love you for the rest of my life.”

Looking into his eyes, there were no secrets you needed to share with him at this very moment. His eyes no longer compelled you to do or say anything, your love for him did. Which is why you took your hands and grabbed the jacket of his school uniform before pulling him closer to you to kiss him. He didn’t need to think about anything else either, it was like his second nature to kiss you back. He finally got to do what he has been wanting to do since last night, which is hold your face in his hands as he poured all of his love for you into a kiss. Gentle, yet filled with passion, your lips moved together as if they were made to connect with each other. Slowly pulling away from each other with one last kiss, the feeling of each others’ lips still lingering on one another, your eyes met.

“Beautiful.” he said, moving one of his hands to move some of your hair from your face, not once looking away from you.

“I didn’t mean it, you know. Looking into your eyes was one of the best things I could have done.”

He smiles, feeling the happiest he has ever been, before leaning back in to kiss you, already missing the feeling of your lips against his.