the ballad of me and my brain

me, heavy. when everything I see feels unreal. its written, its been always there for me too see. moments, times, when I can fade away with the noise from outside, when I allow myself to be blown away by the wind, with the wind. when I feel the being one with you, when I feel being one with all. you, me , all. I couldn't hide me up anymore even if its on my desires, there was veil but it has been blown away by the wind, with the wind. I couldn't cover me up, even if Its my desire. there's so much to be seen, to be learnt, my time is now its been for a while. suggestions from the back of my head stay stay stay. who's voice is it? there's so much to do, there's so much you'll miss. all youll miss if you stay by the side of someone who's heads on the clouds, lost by the clouds, one with the clouds. Finally stepped out of home today I'll let it take over me, create as it pleases. somethings switched, now when I look out the window I can see how there's more too look at, from a small sound a world flourishing around. little makes big. every single time there's more. how my perspectives been changed. how the look from my eyes controls the words that I've been writing down. Being grateful. to wish impossible things, the cure. The need of alone time, I clock my time, it takes the best days of my life way. there's more to do. this ache on my soul its beggining to speak up making herself hear. how I claim what I deserved back then. what I love is what I am. what I love is me. wasted time running away from my love, I was running from myself. its me. enjoying m y time, this is my time and im finally free. life's this game it was never meant to be that serious were not meant to be taken seriously. fun is mine. take everything everythings matters. what's around purpose is hidden on our daily details, its all in plain sight.

to wish impossible things the cure

things to remember from the back of my head

things to remember

things to hold close to my chest.

last night on a drive I came to realize. if life's its this game I get to play my own way. All there is lies in front of me now, and all that's gone was meant to push me on board. Im still sailing on board. The more I let myself feel; the closer I get to home. It's the way to make myself a safe home. In the way of making myself the prettiest of places to be, the safest of homes. In the way of making myself the softest place to be held by. Im still sailing there.

Last night popped in my mind, again. From the back of my head someone held the words I couldn't phrase, the ones I may needed. What i love is me and I should be listening more. They're talking, it's all talking, the talking becomes screaming and noise. Being aware It'll become too loud if I don't look back, back at it. its begging for attention so It can live. Im the one who can bring it to life. Jumps, turns, where the path got split, all that I took and left. The problems that made me; me. Thank you notes. All I wish is mine to take as I please. The smallest always ended up meaning the most. Details. The attention I give. It's never too late. It's never gonna be too late. I swear. In the way of making myself the prettiest of homes, making my voice the kinder of sounds I could hear. Holding myself.

So at least I have me,

there's someone waiting for me at home.

its me

from this far

still I could hear the waves crashing words

your waves of sadness

I know im to blame

the aftertaste of old days

the aftertaste of the old me

I cant look in your eyes

not anymore

nothing can tie us back,

back then our roots grew side by side

now they're growing apart.

we've been blooming on different shades

yearning differently

apart from each other

Ill let go of us tonight

there was a reason for us

it came with the beginning of season

the change was forecast

we could contemplate our differences

everyone could see us

we were all over the place

we gotta untie

yearning

vol.3

is he seeing what i’m seeing

is he missing what i’m seeing

are we seeing that light coming out of her

is she unraveling for him

what she’s doing for me

is she the problem

is she my problem

or the solution

is she the question

or my answer

the whole time

was it her?

what she would set free

inside me

please please please let me get what i want this time

i keep reminding myself that writing is freeing me from the turmoil inside my heart and mind and it’s the safest way to let it all out. putting in words what i just see in my mind as a abstract tornado of words feelings songs pictures pain and loneliness. talking to no one makes me feel as taken care of writing to no one writing to me makes me feel as being held by

mazzy star makes me feel like i’m inside a huge bubble where there’s so much space that i can extend myself and make room for all that is me. and just sit and let the sounds come from all over the place it makes my heart feels so warm. spacious

i wish i could be less romantic

the struggle to talk about how much i feel

for how long i feel

how big it feels

how much i want things.

weak and stupid

i’ll keep it all to myself

judgement becomes bearable if its coming from the inside

from a well known source

i guess

I will lock myself in my body and inside my mind

i’ll come off as weak

just to

myself

i’m trying to break free from the habit of thinking you all the time.

When i wake up when i go to sleep .

When things go great when things go bad

i don’t even have a thing to say to you

but i wanna talk to you

there’s nothing to think about you anymore

i have already thought

every single thought of you

every single thought with you

that i could ever imagine

now it’s just you in my mind

you alone

nothing to do

nothing to say

just you.

some independence of you is what i need

i wish i could stop thinking about you

hey i make non perfect music :) 🖤✨☀️

I wish I was in love

I can't write to you- right

I can't talk to you- right

I have run out of words

it's not me now

you have taken over me

you have taken over my time

of my hours and minutes

all my songs are covered with you

all of me has been covered with you 

I can feel you in every breath 

in every idea . in every dream

you always inside always near 

always so close but almost too far

by you I am exposed I am open

my skin has fallen off

my new colors walk in the light

I'm afraid of this fire we have lit

I can feel it so close 

I can feel it burning off my skin and making it fall.

have you asked me what i feel 

I can feel the fire burning my skin

I can feel my new colors glowing underneath

i can feel the warmth of your voice in every step in every song

i can feel how you have taken over my hours

taken over my worries turning them into that light 

the light from the moon we used to talk about

our moon that keeps embracing me as I sleep

have you ever asked me what i feel

lately i've been feeling you you you completely you

scared